Three Strategies For Surviving Your Short Stay In The Slammer
At some time in your life, you’ll probably do something stupid.
Perhaps you’ll even do something illegal.
Maybe you’ll do it in front of a cop.
You might…just might…get arrested.
There’s a slight chance that you’ll go to jail.
If you ever manage to get yourself into a position where you’re taken to jail, depending on who you are, you might feel a little bit nervous. You’ve probably heard of inmates being beaten by guards for no reason, you’ve probably heard that riots happen all the time, you’ve probably heard that some inmates get raped by other inmates. These things have all happened at one point or another, so feel free to be a little uneasy – especially if your parents or significant other decides that they’d rather pay the electricity bill rather than come bail you out.
Most people don’t stay in jail for a long time. They either get bailed out in a few days, or get sentenced to time served or just a few weeks in jail, or manage to get moved to work release or some other program.
Offenders who get sentenced to long-term stays have completely different strategies for survival than those who expect a short-term stay. Since you are expecting a short-term visit to a correctional facility, here are three tips for surviving your short stay in the slammer:
1) Be a nobody.
First and foremost, do not discuss your case at length with anyone you’re in jail with, no matter what you’re in for. That’s what your lawyer is for. I’ve seen too many guys talking about their case with someone who, 5 minutes later, calls the county attorney and offers to tell them how you sold them a kilo of coke in exchange for a reduction on their own sentence. Yeah, inmates lie for their own benefit. Imagine that.
You have no friends in jail. Don’t gamble with anyone, don’t touch anyone, don’t borrow anything, don’t look at someone longer than a second.
Don’t argue over the television channel.
Don’t argue with any correctional officer, no matter what. Do what they tell you, immediately. Seriously, what do you have to gain from arguing with the guy who stands between you and someone who wants what little you have? The correctional officer will probably not do anything to you, but if he or she wanted to…you’re just in jail for a little while, why tempt fate?
2) Watch, observe, do what others do.
Since you’re not talking to anyone other than the basic “inmate nod,” take the time to watch what other inmates do and learn what is expected of you. Learn what times you can use the phone as an unaffiliated non-gang member.. Learn what times trays arrive, or what time everyone goes to chow. Learn how other inmates talk to the correctional officers. Watch what paperwork is available and how to use it.
There are a lot of problems that erupt that could have been avoided if someone only had taken the time to learn how things operate before going and doing their own thing.
Living with 50 to 100 other inmates in a housing unit often forces everyone involved to take on an almost exaggerated degree of politeness if everyone is to get along.
3) Isolate yourself from other inmates.
You are not Bruce Lee. You are not Chuck Norris. You are not John Wayne. Even if you were, I’ve seen 6′4″ 300-pound guys get swarmed by four or five mexicans with shanks and revenge on their mind. Jail is not your element, don’t beat yourself up if you’re not cut out for general population mods.
You have a few options. You can stay in your cell, if your housing unit has cells. Just sleep all day, come out for food and go back to bed.
You can contact the housing unit officer, or his supervisor, and ask for protective custody – PC. You’ll be interviewed as to why you want to go to protective custody, and then taken to the housing unit with a bunch of child molesters and snitches.
If worst comes to worst, claim that you’re really, really depressed and that you think you’ll commit suicide. This is fairly serious, as you’ll be taken to the medical housing unit, stripped naked and watched for a few days – but you’ll be about as safe as you can be until you get released.
So there you have it – three tips that should see you safely home from your brief stay in the slammer.
Remember – be polite, be alert and be safe.
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