Amanda Monti
Men of the world, this is 24-year-old Amanda Monti.
When she’s around, you might want to cover the family jewels with your hand if not some kind of codpiece.
Just ask 37-year-old Geoffrey Jones – who was, at one point, dating Miss Amanda Monti.
They broke up sometime towards the end of May of 2007, after a lengthy relationship that Geoffrey Jones considered “open” and Amanda Monti considered “not-so-open.”
Still, despite the breakup, they remained friends, as evidenced by Amanda Monti’s picking up of Geoffrey on the 30th of May, 2007, from a party.
They drove to the house of a friend of Jones to have some drinks and a good time.
Well, whenever you mix drinks with strong emotions, you get trouble, and before long Amanda Monti and Geoffrey Jones got into an argument about something. What was the argument about? Probably something stupid. Nobody ever argues about something intelligent anymore.
Actually, the argument was about Geoffrey Jones not wanting to have sex with Amanda, so yeah, it was pretty stupid.
One thing led to another and the argument started to get physical.
When a man struggles with a woman, it’s usually kind of a silly thing, unless he’s pretty small and she’s pretty big. Unless you’re this chick:
But somehow, Amanda Monti got the ultimate hold locked in on Geoffrey Jones, who probably realized that he was in serious trouble a split second before Amanda Monti clutched and pulled.
According to Geoffrey Jones:
That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain.
And why was Geoffrey in such excruciating pain?
Well, his ex-girlfriend had his testicle in her hands, so yeah. “Ow.”
Even worse, Amanda Monti put the testicle in her mouth and would have swallowed it if she hadn’t gagged on it. After gagging on the testicle, Amanda spit it out on the floor, where it was reclaimed by a friend of Geoffrey Jones, who handed it back to the injured party while saying, “That’s yours.”
A party isn’t a party until someone loses a testicle.
Geoffrey Jones and his testicle went to the hospital, where doctors announced that 5000 years of the medical arts weren’t enough to reattach his testicle to his body.
Amanda Monti said that she was very sorry about ripping her ex-boyfriend’s balls off:
It was never my intention to cause harm to Geoff and the fact that I have caused him injury will live with me forever. I am in no way a violent person. I have challenged myself to explain what has happened but still I just cannot remember. This has caused much anguish to me and will do for the rest of my life.
Well, for the rest of his life, Geoffrey Jones will be called “one-ball.” You don’t get over that, man. Kids are mean.
Amanda is going to be kept in jail for a while, after pleading guilty to a charge of wounding and being sentenced to two and a half years in prison.
Does Amanda Monti deserve Hell?
- No (52%, 180 Votes)
- Yes (48%, 163 Votes)
Total Voters: 343
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65 Comments »
I’m sorry. I don’t have anything to say right now. I just kinda want to curl up in the fetal position and suck my thumb. *sob*
Ow ow ow ow ow.
All I can really say about this woman is that she must be really desperate. Obviously no one wants to be with her and she can’t handle the truth. She must be KINKY! lol
Well, she’s pretty much shot herself in the foot because now Geoff can’t have sex with her even if he wants to.
@Meaghan,
losing a testicle usually doesn’t affect one’s penis’ function. if he’s not severely traumatised or anything caused him to become impotent, he’ll be able to have all the sex in the world. he wont be able to reproduce though.
i voted no btw, but that’s probably due to the fact i nearly peed myself when i read this.
oh and OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH!
Why wouldn’t this poor man be able to reproduce?? All it takes is ONE testicle; just ask Lance Armstrong.
Ok, I admit that I laughed a bit. And then said ow, and then laughed some more and then said ow again.
Guys get so whacked, as if they are the only gender that can get physically hurt, ala ‘the balls of gold’.
I have been hit hard on my breast by a baseball my son hit, and I have been whacked in the crotch under other circumstances, and I find it hard to believe, since I could not breathe and thought I’d barf, that it’s really any worse to get hit in your ‘guy parts’.
I do not think males have the corner on the market of being injured by getting whacked in the privates by any various child. In fact, I’d propose that the fact that it hurts more for women to get whacked in the tits gives us one more area to be protective of than men.
Ever get hit with a baseball on your breast? No? Well ok then.
Oh, wait. I’ve never had my breast BITTEN OFF. Oky-doky. WTF is up with ball-biters, anyway? If I had balls, I think I might not let anyone I didn’t trust anywhere near them with their teeth.
Doesn’t sound smart under any circumstances.
Clue- guys… no matter how tempting it might be to think that some chick might treat your privates with appreciation, if you are fighting with your girl, or cheating on her, or whatever…. it’s not smart to let her near your family jewels. You might think they are precious and all that, but she just very well might think they don’t look so great in the scenery and need to be removed.
I’m all for love, but ahem, my privates come first. Thinking about it… pun intended!
c
@Glorybug,
neverending argument i think. i can’t imagine what getting hit on your breasts feels like, nor can i imagine what it’s like to be hit in the crotch for a female. i do however (unfortunatly) know how it feels to get hit in the nuts. it doesn’t even take a hard hit, grazing them is usually enough to get a man on his knees and cry in pain. the biggest problem with getting hit in the nuts is that you have about 10 seconds of horror before the actual pain sets in. it goes something like this.
WHAMMO!
“oh crap, i think that hit my nuts”
“oh man, this is REALLY going to hurt”
“arggg, here it comes”
“ok, i can take it i can take it i can AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG -”
So she just ripped it off? Good god! I’ll admit this one amuses me more then it makes me cringe. The Catholic’s of the world would no doubt consider this a massive loss of human life.
Every sperm is sacred~
wow after this story i bet men will be lining up to take this hottie out to dinner once she’s done muffdiving and biting off boobs in jail. it may be the sense of erotic danger that turns these dudes on, you go girl!
Holy Crap, I think that might be worse then Bobbit………
DualDenz- You are so right. I would never pretend to understand what it feels like to get a kick in the groin.
I do have 2 boys, however, and I’ve seen how miserable it makes them for a couple of minutes of gasping.
Am I the only person that isn’t really fond of the terms ‘balls’, ‘nuts’, ‘whatever’? And, I’m warning you, do not come anywhere near me with the term ‘anything’ ’sack’. NO SACKS. NONE.
It creeps me out. Like when guys call their penis a ‘wiener’. Ick. Not good. A wiggly little chewed up unidentifiable meat-thing.
No. In my heterosexual preferenced lifestyle, I demand real meat. Not sacks or wieners. NO.
I sometimes think I am the only person on earth who feels that the words ‘penis’ and ‘testicles’ (tentacles? lol) are perfectly respectable words.
Oh, wait. I don’t have a ‘vajajay’. Sigh. I just have a boring old vagina. Damn.
Funny thing is, I used to have a really good friend who was lesbian, and she called her vagina a ‘petunia’. No joke. The funny thing is that my youngest son (the little fixit, gardening man) has a favourite flower. Petunias. Every time we go to the garden store and he insists on buying petunias, I think of my long-time friend’s vagina.
To be honest, I just would never like my vagina called a ‘hole’, and I don’t get why men are ok with their testicles being called ‘balls’ or ‘nuts’. I cannot see the sexual attractiveness of the words ‘balls’ or ‘nuts’.
Ok, enough about that.
DualDenze- I think we can agree that getting hit in the groin in painful no matter what sex you are.
But, if you think about it, how much more often do you think women get hit on their breasts? I’m not talking errant softballs. I mean daily. People’s elbows are everywhere. Mostly, it seems their elbows are ramming my tits.
Just saying.
c
I know what Glory means when she says us women get hit in the breast alot by elbows. Mine just happen to be right at elbow level, so yeah, I get hit there alot. It hurts. But, I’m sure it’s not nearly as painful as losing as losing a testicle. hahahahhaha. That HAD to hurt. Wow. Poor guy. Are we sure all he did was say no? hahahha. J/K. I know lots of women are probably thinking he HAD to do something to cause this girl to rip of his ball. hahah. :)
oh god, that was indeed quite funny.
i don’t really mind any term to be honest, penis, cock, dick, it’s all fine (indeed draw the line at wiener though, sounds too floppy). same goes for balls, nuts, testicles, scrotum (slight difference in what’s what, but who cares), sack or whatever.
Vagina, pussy, snatch, cunt, beaver (gee, i can think of tons more of these, wonder why) all do just fine as well.
i see this thread is going downhill fast.
oh and btw
“Mostly, it seems their elbows are ramming my tits.”
75% are probably not accidental :P
LOL@Dual You’re probably right about that. It still doesn’t feel real good though. :)
Thats funny. I know exactly what GloryBug means. Me, personally, I hate it when men call our vaginas “pussy” and “cunt”. It just doesn’t sound right when you think about it in your head.
I have been hit in the boobs so many times that I forgot to count. And, yes, most of them were on purpose and not on accident. I have also gotten several “titty twisters” and they are also very painful.
Thats funny. I know exactly what GloryBug means. Me, personally, I hate it when men call our vaginas “pussy” and “cunt”. It just doesn’t sound right when you think about it in your head.
I have been hit in the boobs so many times that I forgot to count. And, yes, most of them were on purpose and not on accident. I have also gotten several “titty twisters” and they are also very painful.
Some people find this kind of stuff fun, I guess?
hahahah titty twisters. I hate those. My grandmother used to tell me that if I got hit in the boobs it would cause cancer or knots or something. hahhaha. So far, I’m knot-free. :) I don’t find it fun, but you know guys. hahhahah.
0_0
She ripped his freakin ball off??? OMG. Ouch. How in the hell is that possible? Ew and Ouch again.
I’m a girl and I keep thinking OW. hahahha.
Shoulda just banged her, man…
Yep, at least he would have still had both his balls. hahahhaha.
I have no words, and he’s down one ball.
I am so sorry man. I am curious- did the skin rip off to or was it just the sack inside she got loose?
Thought the guys would like that?
No really thats fucking awful.
Kim- that is soooo weird. I think I remember being told as a child that getting hit on the breasts would cause cancer, too. Maybe, in addition to all the pain, that’s why I don’t appreciate it much.
DualDenz, you win. You actually made me laugh out loud with your ‘75% are probably not accidental :P’ line. What’s weird is you are soooo probably right. It never occurred to me, because it would never occur to me to whack a guy in the groin to get his attention. For any guys listening…. don’t elbow my tits! It is NOT going to make me want to go out with you.
As far as the name thing goes…. I must be the only female that is not bothered by the word ‘cunt’. Doesn’t bother me at all. But, because I know it reeeeeallly bothers other women, I save it as a good cuss word when I want to tell someone off. I’m not bothered by it, but I know they are, lol.
Ok words for me are, cock, dick and penis. Testicles. Cunt, pussy, vagina.
Not ok— wiener. Prick. Balls, nuts (what the f are ‘nuts’, anyways?) hole, vajayjay, ‘down there’. Bleah.
Yeah, this thread is going down. And I mean that in a good way.
c
I actually have heard that also. I’ve been told that hitting, pinching, and anything that hurts your breast helps cause breast cancer.
Oh, I forgot to tell this very funny (ack) story…. I know this guy who works in the hospital infant unit, and several years ago he gave me a copy of an insider report….
The report said that some guy was working at a machinist shop, and while everyone was at lunch, he used one of the machines to masturbate. All well and good except for one day his testicles got caught. According to the report, he went to the bathroom, used a stapler to try to ‘fix’ his parts, but ended up in the ER the next day because of infection. No joke, the report said that the next day his missing testicle was found on the shop floor.
I am not talking email gossip. Hand on my heart, I read the hospital transcripts.
At the time, I was trying to wrap my head around the concept of stapling my scrotum shut and THEN continuing to work!
So, guys, if your testicles hadn’t already crept up into your body, I’m sure this story will encourage them to.
c
I really wouldn’t doubt it. I am sure a lot of guys do stuff like that. I was actually talking to a friend the other day and he told me he started touching himself in class when he was in 3rd grade…Haha, how gross is that?
80…o..oh my god…that poor guy…::snortlaugh::
Psycho much?
I had a girlfriend who’s favorite threat was “somebody wants to sing soprano”
Anyway if I was not married, I’d definitely go for a boink with her!
Given their age difference and what happened, I can sagfely assume that he’s no winner either, so I can’t send her to hell for what she did.
She may have saved all us taxpayer a few dollars! This is one Viagra Chomping Dinosaur who is not going to be planting his seed at anyone’s expense!
Getting hit in the breasts can cause breast cancer-or help it, anyway. My little sister, several years ago, opened up the bathroom door and the edge hit my mother right in her breast. She was diagnosed with breast cancer not too long after.
I read about this when it first happened.
All I have to say is: OMG and SHE TRIED TO EAT IT, TOO!!!!!!!!
“losing a testicle usually doesn’t affect one’s penis’ function. if he’s not severely traumatised…”
Those are two phrases that have absolutely no business being together.
dark marcsun- How in the world can someone ‘lose’ a testicle? They’re pretty distinctive looking, y’know? Misplaced?
‘Honey, have you seen my testicle? I thought I had it in the kitchen…?’
‘Ooops! That was your testicle? I thought it was the cat! I let it out!’.
c
As far as the cancer thing, I thought it was only having to do with the bruising that could cause cancer.
As far as being hit in the breast I honestly don’t think it hurts more than being hit in the stomach, it kinda takes the wind out of you but not that bad.
Now getting a nipple ring (so I’ve heard) caught, well that can hurt.
Getting your nipple twisted can hurt, yet feel good, too.
As far as injuring a vagina, it’s kinda difficult. The only ways I can think of well are the obvious sexual ways, depending on props, and well falling on a bike and landing dead center.
I don’t want to think of what it’s like to get kicked in the balls because I don’t have them. I also don’t want to think of getting my balls ripped off because I can maybe almost imagine what it feels like to get kicked in the balls. Talk about the wind getting knocked out of you. Those are two things I don’t want to think about and that being said…
…Guys win.
For those of you who don’t know, I’m a female. I can say without a doubt that there is more than those two ways to cause injury to the lady parts. I worked as a security guard at a hospital in Boston a few months ago. We had a call to go subdue an individual in the psych ward. While my partner and I tried to get the girl on the ground, she managed to kick me squarely in the groin. Right smack on the clitty. I almost threw up on the spot. The 10 seconds of horror do not apply. The pain set in right away, and I was told to make my way to the emergency room at the other hospital down the block. You try staggering in blinding pain to an emergency room. I couldn’t walk normally for two weeks!!! But that vicodin sure helped… So men, I salute you. I weep in sympathetic pain everytime I hear about injuries to the male groin. Women, be kind to the men and don’t hurt their testes or penises. Please!
At least you didn’t think it was the cats dinner and feed it to him.
Haha..Sick!!
Glory I have one up on getting hit in the boobs…After I had my first daughter I did not breatfeed (because I was on quite a few steriods and other medications for pnemonia). Anywho so here I am with my boobs filled to the brim with milk (and for those of you that don’t know engorged brests hurt pretty bad) and my mother came into my room and the door slammed into my chest. I have never hit the floor so hard and I was crying for an hour after I caught my breath. I not only saw stars but I know there were a few treeting birds in the mix.
err tweeting birds ( I am so the queen of typoneese)
man I’m shocked this post hasn’t gotten more hits…
It’s hard to believe this plan to woo him back didn’t work. What the hell!?!?! I can’t even imagine how much force it would take to rip a gentlemen’s “berry” off with your bare hand. I can’t even open a pickle jar.
Sarah- too funny. I have fibromyalgia, and have to ask my 10 year old son to open my pickle jars for me. Embarrassing.
I guess if I wanted to tear off some guy’s testicle, I would have to (once again) ask my son to do it for me.
Ack.
c
I’m going to guess and say they just got through watching fear factor or faces of death!!!!
funny how you’re mocking the stories now deangelo. oh what happened to this being such a horrible website in regards to cookie, huh? you are the definition of a hypocrite my friend
OMG!! These post are so funny. I just may lose my lunch though. I had a hotdog ‘weiner’ and raspberry M & M’s ‘berry’. But even if I do, the belly laughs were worth it
rasberry M&M’s??? those sound nummy!
I like them, but you have to like raspberry flavor. I also LOVE Shwan’s Raspberry Rumble ice cream. It is vanilla ice cream with raspberry swirl, raspberry crunchies and chocolate raspbery truffles. MMMMMMMMMMMMM! I don’t know if the M&Ms are available outside of the midwest though. Companies usually run their test products here. I don’t know why we are the lab rats, but we seem to be.
imagine the roles reverse. A drunken man becomes enraged because his ex girlfriend doesnt want to have sex with him, so he mutilates her vagina.
do you think he’d get a 50 % ‘no hell’ rating?
Ya know LF, these things happen. My life would suck even more than it does now if I’d been sent to hell everytime I’d gotten really, really drunk and found myself gnawing on some skank’s pussy.
Miwist- You made me choke on my Nyquil!
That’s what you do when you’re drunk? How come none of the guys here do that when they’re drunk?
Most of them won’t even do that when they’re sober. Losers.
You, on the other hand are obviously a gentleman when you’re drunk.
c
OMG, are you seious? Haha, nice comment, Miwish. As a female, I know who I go to bed with, etc. Even if I am drunk or not, it doesn’t affect me much.
RF- actually, if you reversed the roles, instead of a woman yanking a testicle out of his scrotum, it would be a man yanking a woman’s ovary out. This would be much harder to do just because of the geography involved, but would certainly be even more traumatic whether that was accomplished via slicing the abdomen open, or trying for the vaginal route.
Since you obviously missed your biology classes, here’s a quick refresher-
The corresponding body part to a Penis is a Clitoris. Testicles= Ovaries. Scrotum= Labia.
To be absolutely equal, one would have to rip a woman’s ovary out of her labia. Unfortunately, most women do not store their ovaries there. Unwisely, men seem to prefer storing their testicles in their scrotum, making them much more vulnerable to being kicked (which moviemakers seem to think is quite funny) and possibly forcefully removed.
I understand your misguided attempt to point out that people seem more tolerant of men suffering from injury to the groin- perhaps you should lobby moviemakers, since they seem to be putting the word out that it is funny to see men take a hit in the crotch. And, these are movies made by and about men. And it’s a standard, if low-brow, feature in many children’s movies now as well. It’s hard to think of ANY comedy that does not include one well-placed whack to the sack, y’know?
c
Aww, all I can say is that I LOVE YOU GLORY!
Maybe this was all just a misunderstanding on her part – she’s young and probably a lil inexperienced… She probably heard some of her friends talking about how guys like it when the girl put his balls in her mouth… maybe she just decided to take it to the next level?
OWWWWWWW!!!!
Hahaha, im sure his balls wer supposed to remain attached to his body.
All i can think right now is oooouuuuccccchhhhh!!!
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!!! 2 AND A HALF YEARS!!! THATS IT?!?! This bitch needs to be admitted to a mentl institution for AT LEAST 4-5 years if not a longer jail sentence. The judge MUST be a dike.
There ain’t no fury like a woman scorned…
Man, there are sooo many exes that I would enjoy doing this to. I couldn’t stop laughing especially the friend that picked it up and said this is yours. lol. I didn’t realize that a testicle would come out like that. It just never occurred to me that you could pull one off with your bare hands. Now, as far as the eating goes that is just disgusting. I do not care for those things to be in my mouth when they are attached and most certainly not when they have rolled around on the floor.
You people are fucking sick. It’s all a big joke if it’s violence against men… fuck you.
Wow – where were you when they were handing out senses of humor? You obviously missed that line.
No one truly thinks the act itself is funny regardless of which gender perpetrated the violence on the other. What IS funny is the situational part of this. First of all, the actual act was looney and totally unexpected. Second – the fact that she did it in front of people was completely off the wall. Third – the friend’s response just added to the comedic flavor.
Fourth, and most importantly, this is a site made up of sarcastic people who live by the motto “you have to laugh or you’ll cry”. So, before you go making smug, holier-than-thou comments, why don’t you read a bit and get an idea of what the fuck you are talking about?
Sorry, none, still laughing!
Bwahahahaha
Now that’s funny shit.
I sent this article to my ENTIRE address book.