This is 25-year-old Derrick Vaughn Nielsen.

Derrick Nielsen likes a little rape with his pizza.

Late at night on the 26th of April, 2008, Derrick Nielsen ordered a pizza from the local Papa Johns. When he called the pizza place, he specifically asked for a certain delivery driver by name.

That driver just happened to be an 18-year-old woman.

Gee. Can you guess what’s going to happen next?

The pizza delivery woman pulled up, got out of her car and walked the pizza up to Derrick Nielsen’s door on his side of the duplex. She rang the doorbell and Derrick Nielsen opened the door.

Much like a Venus flytrap closing in on an insect, Derrick Nielsen sprang his trap on the unsuspecting girl, pulling her into his abode for a little rape.

You really have to hand it to 20-year-old Broderick Lloyd Laswell.

Mr. Laswell, a solid candidate for “The Biggest Loser,” thought that he’d figured out a way to make the system work for him, a way to make his life a tad bit easier while he waits for his capital trial for first-degree murder and arson. Instead, Broderick Lloyd Laswell came up with a scheme that will guarantee ridicule and mockery for years to come, much like his attempts to wash his back in the jail showers.

Broderick Lloyd Laswell has filed a federal lawsuit against the Benton County Jail, Benton County Sheriff Keith Ferguson and Benton County Jail Captain Hunter Petray because he feels that the jail he’s being kept in is systematically starving inmates, specifically him, to death.

Oh, Rozlynn. Oh, Rozlynn Rodgers.

How could you?

You stupid, stupid whore.

Inflammatory words on the part of People You’ll See In Hell? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

19-year-old Rozlynn Rodgers, despite being a grown woman, epitomizes the adolescent self-centered attitude and tendency towards shortsighted behavior. A high school student at Las Casas Occupational High School, an “alternative” high school which, according to their website, serves students whose emotional needs cannot be met in a regular public school setting, Rozlynn Rodgers planned to graduate in June of 2008 with the rest of her class.

It looks like her graduation date might be slightly delayed.

You see, on the afternoon of the 4th of April, 2008, Rozlynn Rodgers gave her 5-month-old daughter, Makalah Rodgers, a bath.

Things have been interesting in Omaha of late.

There’s a desperate push by the Mayor to spend 120 million dollars or so on a baseball stadium that will be used four weeks out of the year.

Shootings are going on all over the place, if you consider North Omaha all over the place. On the bright side, drive-by shootings are down because of gas hitting $3.50. The downside of that is that the high price of gas just means Omaha is getting more walk-by or jog-by shootings.

And then of course you have your new mothers fracturing their newborn baby’s skulls. Well, just one of them, really, but one is enough.

Reunions can be tough.

Really, just ask the 12-year-old son of 27-year-old Cedrick Brown, a felon with an extensive record who was released on the 17th of March, 2008 after serving three years in prison.

Cedrick Brown, who obviously didn’t take the parenting courses that are available for inmates staying in most prisons, settled back into his mom’s house and his son’s life upon his release from prison.

Part of Cedrick Brown’s idea for involving himself in his son’s life again was the daily routine of picking his son up from school, which is a good thing for parents to do. It’s possible that Cedrick saw it on a TV show once and the idea just kind of stuck in his mind. Regardless of the inspiration behind his actions, Mr. Cedrick Brown picked his son up from school on the 9th of April – an experience that his son reported as being “wonderful.”

It takes a big person to beat up an 8-year-old girl.

In the case of 27-year-old Brandy Williams and her live-in boyfriend, 28-year-old Shaun Simpson, it took two big people to beat up a little girl – Brandy Williams’ 8-year-old daughter.

On the 16th of April, 2008, Brandy Williams was notified that her daughter had been suspended from school. Exactly what this girl had been suspended for, we don’t know. We do know that when we were 8, nobody got suspended. Maybe school is different now, a little rougher, but 8-year-olds still shouldn’t be getting into enough trouble to get suspended.

Either way.

Aaron Hunter

This is 29-year-old Aaron Hunter.

Aaron Hunter is a raging alcoholic, and like many alcoholics he has a problem realizing when he’s had enough to drink.

On the 20th of April, 2008, Aaron Hunter had a few too many to drink while he was at the home of a woman that he knew. Aaron Hunter got a little belligerent, started throwing his weight around and generally made himself a bad house guest. When the woman asked him to leave, Aaron Hunter refused.

The woman’s three-year-old son came out of his room to see what all the commotion was, which you’d expect. It’s hard to sleep when mommy’s arguing with a drunk idiot in your living room.

This is 31-year-old William Rettew.

William Rettew here is wearing the inmate clothing that he just might be wearing for the rest of his life.

William Rettew was, most recently, a receptionist at Joy Junction, which bills itself as both “the largest emergency homeless shelter in New Mexico” and “the intersection of despair and hope.”

As someone who knew how to say the right things and someone whose family was one step ahead of homelessness on a regular basis, William Rettew regularly sought employment or some other kind of connection with homeless shelters whenever he moved to a new area.

And William Rettew moved his family a great deal, living in about 14 states since 2002. While this might seem excessive to the average family, that just goes to show you how little we’ve been exposed to different cultures and ideas. After all, according to wikipedia, there are somewhere between 30 and 40 million nomads in the world, and what’s 6 more, really?