Alan Patton
This is 56-year-old Alan Patton.
Alan Patton has an interesting hobby, which is called Urophagia.
Basically, good ol’ Alan Patton here, who looks slightly like a goon from Popeye cartoons, likes to collect urine from young boys.
And, once Mr. Patton collects the urine, he likes to drink it.
Not surprisingly, Alan Patton is a registered sexual offender. Back in 1994, Mr. Patton served four years in prison after pleading guilty to a charge of gross sexual imposition after raping an 8-year-old boy.
In 2006, Alan Patton was caught in a movie theater as he was in the process of watching little boys go to the bathroom. When police questioned him, Alan Patton admitted that he was trying to collect the little boys’ urine, in some cases even paying the kids to give it to him.
In June of 2008, Alan Patton went a little further in his quest for pee, going into a sports complex while carrying a black bag full of cups and Saran Wrap. After putting Saran Wrap on the toilets, Mr. Patton would turn off the urinal water, put a cup down in the urinal and wait for a little boy to pee in it. Once the kid was gone, Mr. Patton would collect his prize.
An employee recognized Alan Patton after he was noticed going in and out of restrooms in the complex several times over the last few weeks. She called the police, who caught Mr. Patton as he walked out of a restroom with that black duffel bag full of weirdness.
Mr. Patton admitted to what he’d been doing, claiming that he suffers from a mental disorder, that he doesn’t actually like the taste of urine, but that it’s a spiritual thing for him:
I like it because it makes me closer to them – like I’m drinking their youth.
Yeah. Ok, sane guy.
Alan Patton was arrested and charged with criminal mischief.
Detective Ron Fithen told the press that this is something Alan Patton does regularly:
Patton goes to family restaurants and movie theaters and waits for boys in a bathroom stall. He shuts off the water to the child-level urinal and puts a cup in the bottom. He goes back and retrieves the cup and drinks the urine. Listening to him describe it, it’s like listening to a crack or cocaine addict. He’s addicted to children’s urine. He told us he’s been doing it over 40 years, since he was 7 years old.
Really, all police have to do to cure Alan is to locate someone who is addicted to beating the living snot out of people who creep into bathrooms and steal kids’ urine to drink it. Then just introduce that person to Alan Patton.
Public beating – apply directly to the forehead.
Does Alan Patton deserve Hell?
- Yes (56%, 178 Votes)
- No (44%, 140 Votes)
Total Voters: 318
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40 Comments »
“Public beating – apply directly to the forehead.”
That is the funniest shit I’ve seen all day.
Why do judges let scum maggots like this walk free? He should be fed his genitals with a rusty razor blade.
rotflmfao! Absolutely Sherry darlin’, funny as hell. He probably sounds like that dog on the “Beggin’ Strips” commercials.
I – smell – URINE!
URINE!URINE!URINE!URINE!URINE!URINE!URINE!URINE!
Max
Shit fuck damn. I accidentally clicked no while I was choking back vomit. My bad.
ewwww….throwing up in mouth as we speak – belch
He must have very bad breath.
lmaoooo for real right?
The Adventures of Alan “The Goon” Patton!
Somewhere driving on a winding desert road in Western America…
Son: Daddy are we there yet?
Alan: We’re almost there, son. Why? What’s up?
Son: ::squirming:: I have to pee! I need to go really bad!
Alan: Son, can you hold it? I know you gotta go but we’re almost there.
Son: ::squirming:: NO I can’t! Daddy I have to go really badddd!
Alan: OK, ok. Listen-up. Take daddy’s slurpee cup and pee in it.
We’ll play a lil game, ok? You put as much pee as you can, and I’ll drink it.
Turtle Mania, hilarious dialog there. I almost wet myself, but then I realized that my cleaning lady might have this same problem and try to drain the tinkle from my pants. How good of an employer would I be if I was assisting in the fulfillment of one’s addiction? GEEZ.
All I can really say about this man, is that he’s disgusting AND disturbing. (We’ll call him DOUBLE DEE.) I say our government should let him drown in a pool of it, and see if that doesn’t affect his love for it.
I’ll stick with iced tea.
I love how this is labelled “Gluttony”. ROTFL for that! Wikipedia says “Urophagia is generally considered harmless”…….ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, kay.
Oh and wikipedia says if the taste of sugar is detected in one’s pee witthout the consumption of artificial sweetner, it may be a sign of diabetes. There’s your cover Alan! Oh, I was just trying to diagonose the children, I swear!
Why do they let ANYONE!!!!! who has raped ANY child walk &%$@#$% free? 4 years? but whatever. that’s our wonderful judicial system. Personally, i’d rather see Every pedophile dead. Point blank. If they are ‘sick’, it’s a disease that needs to be eradicated.
“Public beating – apply directly to the forehead.”
lmao, i love it!
this pervert deserves hell for raping the 8-yr old. i don’t know what kind of punishment he deserves for the pee drinking, seeing as how a weirdo like him would probably like almost anything.
this guy is seriously sick… he says he doesn’t like it (which is probably b/c he was embarrassed when he was caught) but he said it made him feel closer to them… i think, instead of raping little boys, he was trying to get a sexual stimulation by the only thing that comes out of a little boy’s penis…. ewww… but it keeps him from raping them… so that’s why i think he does it… hmm… maybe we should force pedophiles to drink people’s urine (but only if they are not Urophagia) and if they are really bad (like actually hurt a child ) we should make them eat their feces (only if they didn’t have an addiction for feces though)
we could come up with some hardcore punishments for the sexual abusers… can’t wait till the judicial system does too…
Believe it or not, some people voluntarily drink urine. I think a Prime Minister of India did so daily and lived to a ripe old age. Urine is sterile and presumably harmless to drink, if you go by the Indian politician’s example, but it’s still disgusting.
This is why we need the state mental hospitals – looney bins.
Instead such people have rights and while we know he is doing things to gather urine to drink, what else is he doing?
Can’t quite hold him in jail forever – no major crime here, but the state mental hospital system could have kept him away from society!
I say since he loves the pee pee so much, he should have a tube surgically implanted from his pee hole to his mouth, that way he’ll leave the little boys alone. He can have his own little stink fest…. alone.
because he raped a young boy at one time, lets just drop this guy into a settling tank at a sewer plant. Maybe he’ll enjoy the candy bars that frequently accompany the pee!
I am tired of hearing about mental conditions….
Right now I’d just like to choke my chicken and relax, but that’s unacceptable behavior in the office, esp because we do not make porn here.
Or there are a few MILF quality women here, maybe I should just take 1 or 2 to the lounge area and have my way – be a nice way to unwind and relax and I am sure that there is some “agia” or “iobia” that may get me off….
He is, IMO, NOT sick, but rather has a behavior problem. Sickness are controled by medicine, behavior by rewards & penalties.
Time for this POS to have some penalty time – preferably at a sewer plant!
What this guy needs is to meet Ms. Jiminez here:
Statesville Mother Stops Man She Says Was Peeping On Daughter In Dressing Room
STATESVILLE, N.C. — A Statesville mother assaulted a man in a Wal-Mart after she said she caught him taking pictures of her 6-year-old daughter in a dressing room.
Guadelupe Jiminez said she saw a man pretend to drop his keys near the changing room as her daughter was trying on a bathing suit. She said the man pulled out a cell phone and took a picture.
Jiminez tracked the man down as he tried to hide and punched him in the face. Police said the punch left 40-year-old Elbert Kuykendall flat on his back with a bloody nose.
“He was on the floor yelling, ‘Help me, help me,’ and one man looked at him and said ‘No!’” Jiminez said.
The suspect was still on the ground when police arrested him.
Kuykendall is charged with secret peeping and is being held on $10,000 bond.
Police said Jiminez handled the situation well.
“She detained him until we got there,” Asst. Chief Tom Anderson said. “He wasn’t seriously injured, she wasn’t injured, the children are all right and that’s what’s important to us.”
Kuykendall is from Mill River in Buncombe County. Investigators are still trying to determine is he has a criminal record in that area.
______________________________________________________________
How much do I love this lady? I’m smitten I tell you.
What. The. Shit. I remember a couple years ago they found a guy hidden in the tank of a women’s porta-potty at an outdoor concert. Honestly, I encourage exploring one’s sexuality- but this is uncomfortable to even THINK about… Ewww… Anyhow, I agree with the rest- there is no excuse for this guy to even be on the streets seeing as how he’s already RAPED a child. Maybe he’ll get hit by a truck.
Yeah, I remember that story Diana…That dude was the shit, wasn’t he?
Max
Bleah.
Bleah.
Bleah.
Shudder.
It’s the Goon!
Hey! I want to try flesh pockets on the Goon.
Flesh pockets generally hold things like food and snacks.
Ok-
First, we’ll bound and gag the Goon. Then we’ll use a surgical knife and gently make a horizontal slash from the cheek bone to the ear lobe. Then we’ll use an inverter to separate the skin from the flesh.
When we’re done, the wound should look like a shirt pocket! Then, we’ll fill it up with our favorite snacks. How about some pineapple slices? Sure.
We’ll apply firm pressure on the pocket with the pads of our fingers to see how much of the contents can escape! SQUISH
Imagine the possibilities of flesh pockets. We could do flesh pockets on love handles, ass cheeks, thighs, calves, etc. Yes!
I will admit it…I voted no but I did so without thinking about the rape. If all he did was drink urine, that’s not hell worthy, that’s a sickness and though disgusting, not hell worthy…raping a child on the other hand is instant sentence to hell, if not hell on earth.
I would let LINDSAY LOHAN pee in my mouth & eyes!
Hehehehe
I saw some apparatus online awhile ago that would make it comfortably feasible.
Enjoy.
Mentally sick or not, I see him around my kids and I’m going to snap his fucking neck, And then piss on him! It will be a win win situation he gets some piss and the world looses him.
Okay…I worked at a fast food restaurant in Dublin Ohio and this SAME guy used to come through our drive thru and say “oh you sound stuffy…here’s a tissue” and he would be very persistant that you blow your nose and then ask for the tissue back to throw away for you. NO! I know some teenagers that went to his house to party and he demanded they all blow their noses and he then proceeded to masturbate with the soiled tissues! This man is SICK and needs to be locked up! you can look up his criminal record on http://www.fcmcclerk.com and see where he has been charged with multiple sexual offenses. He was even accused of raping an 8 year old boy. Yes….he deserves to burn in HELL!!!!
Dee…..This guy is a real POS. He rapes an 8 year old boy, follows little boys around & drinks their urine, & now you tell us he has a tissue/snot fetish. What a complete & utter freak! What is it with this guy & his love of bodily fluids? It wouldn’t surprise me if he also eats feces, too. This guy definitely shouldn’t be out walking the streets at all. I wish they still had mental hospitals that would keep people like this indefinitely. The only mental hospitals these days would just treat him for what they would term as a disorder & then just release him right back out into the streets. He has already raped a child once & I bet he’ll do it again. Guys like this are like a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. He’ll get to where just drinking their urine isn’t enough to satisfy his fucked up fantasies and some poor kid will become a victim of sexual abuse. I’m sure he has multiple victims in his past, but he was lucky enough not to get caught. It’s really scary when you know for a fact that someone like this is out there walking the streets, and you know their history and crimes, but you can’t do a thing about it. This guy is just another news story waiting to happen and it’s really sad because he shouldn’t be out walking the streets and around children period.
Yeeurgh!!! Until a few moments ago i was blissfully ignorant on the subject of uro-whatsitthingy… Now, however i’m feeling very queasy! ;( as for the rape of an eight year old some years prior… Sick fucker should of been locked away somewhere VERY secure for life! ;(
I am totally down to chip in on a round-trip ticket for Ms. Jimenez to Dublin Ohio. Maybe she teach this vomitous mass some justice with a smack down Statesville style. I lovelovelove that she bloodied that bastards nose. I wouls lovelovelove it if she would bloody THIS bastards balls.
i say hell.
So.. All the women, if any, that he has dated have probably kissed this guy. Dating usually involves kissing.. Uggggggggghhhhh! What a sick fuck. Don’t piss on him if he was on fire, he WOULD actually like it! The sick twist!
what a fucking moron this dude is…what the fuck
“Mr. Patton served four years in prison after pleading guilty to a charge of gross sexual imposition after raping an 8-year-old boy.” 44% of you voted NO? Explain yourselves.
I think most people who voted NO were basing their vote on the pee thing. The rape deserves a solid HELL vote, of course.
The rest of them did it to see how many people get mad about it.
LOL VCBecky, I still thought even the pee thing was hell-worthy. What kind of sick fuck does something like this? I remember growing up, I was like 13 or 14 walking with my female cousin down Bedford AVE in Bedford-Stuyvesant from the YMCA and this wino came out of the Chinese corner store begging to see us pull down our pants and piss in front of him. Really fucking creepy and disgusting. So yes, I think he deserves to burn in hell for all eternity.
Really though, you’d think that having an uncontrollable compulsion to ingest someone else’s excretions (boogies and pee-pees) would be hell enough for anyone if it wasn’t for the rape! I mean, you think you have bad morning breath? JEEZUS!
P.S. The going rate for a golden shower in Long Beach is about $500 on the street-corners, last I heard. (Shaddup, I asked a cop friend of mine a couple of years ago!) You could’ve made BANK! LOL!
LOL VCBecky, you always make my day!
I’m sorry but I chuckled a bit while trying to pronounce his “disorder” in my head… urophagia “you’re a fag ia yeah that about sums it up! (I have nothing wrong with gay/lesbians and usually dislike the term fag but it is meant to be deragotory and it suits this guy!”" lol what a sick piece of shit!