The solution is actually pretty hard to understand, but relatively easy. What you do is you contact a women’s shelter and help center far from where you currently live. One with facilities that can help you and where unemployment is a little to much lower than the national average. Pick a state like Massachusetts or Maryland that also have social programs specifically designed to help battered women.

What’s that you say? How do i get there? You contact the shelter and ask them for lists of volunteers who are kind enough to come and pick you, your children and your possessions up and transport you across state lines to a shelter where the abusive man in your life is not. By choosing the state and city you live in based upon the services offered and job opportunities available to you, you throw off your scent and hide from the guy and his gang.

Once you’re back on your feet, and most stats say this takes 3-7 years for the average woman, you have to maintain distance from your abuser for the rest of your life. Zero contact. Your friends who are also his friends? Sorry, they’re not your friends anymore, they’re potential informants and traitors. You’re a new island country that has stated clearly in your Constitution that the survival and well-being of you and your children is more important than any penis or any friend.

Life is hard, your life is harder than most, but a simple, drastic, but effective plan is on the table for you. Grab it, run after it and change your life.

I have never wittnessed anything like that in my life. And I have seen some serious things in my life.

I am not a victim. I have fought my whole life. Fought for respect and out of pride. Fought against nazi scum here in Germany. I have fought for the little guy that was getting the shit beat out of him by 5 other “guys”

When someone hits me I don’t just hit back. I go right for the throat. I come back with both barrels blazing and don’t stop until that person is on the floor.

I honestly have no grasp of the problem. I hope you don’t think I am making fun of you because that was in no way my intent. I am looking for answers. Maybe you can help me? No idea.

As for your kid? I can only suggest taking him to a support group for battered women. Let him hear the otherside of the slap. Let him see how his actions effect people. Should he continue he might run in to someone like me that will curb stomp him if I see him hitting a woman. AndI’ll do it with a smile on my face.

My divorce is getting ugly. We are both trying to keep my daughter out of it completly. Now it’s about money and pointing fingers of blame. I am pretty much letting her have everything she wants. The house, the savings, the life insurances and a hefty check every month. But it’s not enough for her. She wants me to bleed. She wants me to hurt. What pisses her off the most is she can’t. The law says something completly different. Like I said above I come back with both barrels blazing. I look for ways to hurt someone back the most. By ignoring her mails, calls and letters I slap her in the face. I hurt her the most. Simply becasue I don’t care about her any more.

Mam I have no idea what you should do and I won’t isult you by trying. I hope you will find happiness an contentment like I have.

I’m still seeing my husband, although I haven’t lived with him since he broke my jaw in March. I still love him. I live in my two bedroom apartment with my son, who is a monster. Guess what? I don’t know whether it was because my son saw abuse, or it’s his bad temper, or whatever. He beats his girlfriend, who lives with us. He gave her a black eye last week.

My husband is pushing me to make a decision and get back together with him. He claims, correctly, that he never directly hit me prior to breaking my jaw, but just between you and I and the fencepost, I still see it in his behavior and don’t want to go back because I’m convinced he will do it again. But he’s the only help I have for money problems, attention, love, etc. Plus, I still care for him, apparently because I’m an idiot.

And as for my kid, I can see it’s all going to end badly. His temper and physical abuse of his girlfriend will land him in jail. I’ve already told his girlfriend that if she had a brain in her head she would leave, all to no avail.

So it’s just me. Between a rock and a hard place. Between going back to a man who can pay all my bills and give me some time off of work, but at a real hefty psychological and maybe physical price, and living with a kid who may do the same. Because frankly, I’m afraid of him, too.

Which just goes to show that there are no fairy tales, no happy endings without the price of your decisions.

It also says a lot about recognizing the horror that’s going on and the immense effort it takes to step out of the path of the living nightmare.

And for all you people who want to tell me how stupid I am, walk a week in my high heels.

I have been where Bosses Secretary is (and her checklist is COMPLETELY ACCURATE). Step by step. I honestly thought it would never end. It seems even when they’re out of your life–they’re still the biggest part of it. You constantly think of them–Which way to go to work; to avoid them. Which grocery store to go to; so you don’t “accidentally” bump in to them. I actually had to change pharmacies because he was picking up my medications (narcotics-which I had for back pain) and he was taking them. What time is sunset so I can be safely in my house before dark so they cant sneak up on me and punch me in the face. Everytime I turned around, he was there. Standing by a tree at the park. Paying for my gas at the gas station. Sending flowers to my job. Sitting in the waiting room of the hospital I worked in. Taking pictures of me at night at work–and posting them on his myspace account (before I knew he was coming to my job). It sucks when you have to give a picture of him to the Security Guard at your job to prevent him from coming in.How embarrassing is that? It sucks when your boss calls you in her office because he continuously calls your job crying and she says if it doesn’t stop–”…I’m going to have to let you go”. Its humiliating when you go to work 3 days out of 5 with a new bruise on your face–and you aren’t even together. Its sad when your babies hide when someone knocks on the door past a certain time. Its agonizing when police officers know your children by name AND address because they’ve been to your house so many times. Its depressing to beg your neighbor, whom you’ve never talked to, to help you because he is sitting on you in the middle of your drive way smooshing your face in the rocks and he wont stop. It sucks when your friends and family have to change their phone numbers because every time you re with them they know and the calls don’t stop.
And I totally agree about the restraining order crap. People who haven’t been there will be the first to say “get a restraining order…they cant come near you”. Oh yeah? Is it like some sort of shield or something? Does it put an invisible barrier around you? These kind of people don’t give a rats patoot if they go to jail–they’ll get out sooner or later. And OMG you are going to know when they’re out. They’re kicking in your door. Throwing rocks through your windshield. Whatever it takes for them to let you know they’re right there–and always will be. Even years down the road. Domestic Violence. Everyone talks about it–but some people live it. Until you’re one of them, don’t put your opinion in the ring. It doesn’t have an ounce of worth to me. When you’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt—it’ll be a different story.
Thank You Bosses Secretary for being brave and sharing that–If I could hug you through the internet; I most certainly would.
{{{{HUGS}}}}