Test
This is only a test.
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Think Green you filthy little monkey! Compost tumbler and compost bin reviews.
I disagree with everything you wrote and can’t believe you took that stance. You should be ashamed.
What the hell?!?!?!? You never said there was gonna be a fuckin’ test!!!!
i voted yes.
I don’t get it. Where is test’s MySpace page link?
Is this your version of the emergency broadcast system? Beeeeeeep. Beeeeeeep. This is a test, this is only a test. Beeeeeeep. Beeeeeeep. We now return you to your regular broadcast schedule.
That’s funny you said that. When I originally saw this post I immediately thought of that commercial/ad/warning (whatever the proper term for it is) that they always show on TV. I started hearing it my head just like you do when you can’t get an annoying song that you’ve heard out of your head. That drives me insane. (And it always has to be a song that you hate to hear! It drives me up the wall!!!!) Geez, I shouldn’t have posted on this because I’m starting to hear it again. Crap!!!
That phenomenon of the repeating song is called a “mind worm”.
I had one last week – it was a fucking CHRISTMAS song. I woke up like 15 times that night dreaming of that stupid song. Then it looped in my head most of the next morning. Arrrrrgh!
Thanks for that Mazzi. I apparently have those at least once a week. For some reason I will wake up with some crazy shit stuck in my head, half of them songs I hate, songs unrelated to the season (Christmas), or songs I love but seemed to have misplaced the CD.
Had the same thing going through my head…shit now it’s stuck again…I knew replying was a bad idea!
Yep, the test deserves hell. It has caused many children to cry and have bad dreams. I know because I was one of them. Evil, evil bastard.
I had the same problem when I was a little kid Tito.. I saw “The Day After” when I was a kid, and every time I heard that test thing on television it scared the shit outta me
I’ve read a lot of stories that have ignited my anger and fueled my hatred of government agencies that are supposed to keep children safe. This story, however, takes the proverbial cake!!! Test deserves Hell. NOW!!! No waiting for a trial or conviction. We need to take matters into our own hands here. Yes, I’m suggesting a good, old fashioned lynching. Grab your torches and pitchforks people. It’s time to march on to Test’s front door and take the law into our own hands. If we leave this to the authorities, Test will walk free. We need to act now if we are to keep our children safe. Won’t somebody PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!! They don’t deserve to live in fear of Test anymore.
Is Test a mo-test-er? *snickering* Maybe Test is a she who tore off someone’s test-icles? *shaking with laughter* Or is Test the serial killer who targets pro-test-ers at genetic test-ing facilities? (okay, I’m out of suggestions for who Test could be…)
this made me laugh so much, i spit up coffee on my keyboard!
thanks for the lulz!
:D
That makes the second time somebody reacted by spewing coffee on their keyboard!!!! I should go into to stand up >:) cgable63 you should see the “simulated” comment on the John Stelmack update… >:)
That was so cheesily (yes I think I made that word up) funny, but I loved it! Thanks for that.
ONLY A TEST?
Do you know how that word traumatized me in school when I was younger?
I am so going to contact someone who is “Only a lawyer” – that is the Amerikan way.
test? what test? drug test? preg test? darn I fail!
if you fail a pregnancy AND drug test, you’ll probably end up on this site eventually ..
ROFLMMFAO!!!
rorshach test!
“This is Not a Test of the Emergency Broadcast System …. THIS IS THE REAL THING!” – NOFX
The “real thing” huh? I have yet to figure out which one is fake.
Do a squeeze test. That’ll tell you which one is real.
Wait, what were we talking about?
Testes? 1-2-3, testes….
test? we don’t need no stinkin’ tests!
you said nothing about a test.
in reference to this so-called “test” – i was misled, led astray, led awry, misinformed, mistaken, misaligned, misguided and misused.
NavyCop says:
June 19, 2009 at 7:03 am
Guav, think about the simulated suffering those poor simulated children went through, though… The simulated rape must have cause an incomprehensible amount of simulated mental anguish and simulated physical pain. I hope the simulated rapists burn in a simulated hell for their simulated crimes….. Simulated.
“Permanent link to this post (6 words, estimated 1 secs reading time)”
Yes, but it then took me an additional 10 mins to finish reading the comments, and stop laughing.
B.T.W – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdXMWpcQNT0 .. still sends chills down my spine..
“This is only a test.”
Is the “test” that it is actually five words and not six?
You all a just a hoot!
MyMelissa
More like testing our patience.
HAHAHA Its hilarious all the things you can get people to say with just one word! love all the comments.!
Well, if it’s anything like Percival and the Grail, someone should check and make sure Test’s genitals aren’t bleeding. If so, quickly ask Test what happened… If not, apologize to sexually assaulting Test.
Does anyone know WHICH hell we’re sending people to here at PYSIH? Diyu? Sheol? Hel? Tartarus? Yama? Xibalba? Irkalla? I mean, hell is a very well-worn art… And there are some worst than others…
Diyu has different levels each with a well-practiced and tried-and-true method of otherworldly torture — such as level five, where Lisa O’ Connor (you remember her, right? The mother who forced her daughter to turn tricks WHILE SHE WATCHED) would be right at home. Level 5 is aptly named “Chamber of Dismemberment by Sawwing.” Fun, huh?
But in Irkalla, Akkadian netherworld, we have the all-around punishment of flaying your body and sticking you on meat hooks.
Or Xibalba, where you have, among others, Jaguar House, which holds starving jaguards, Bat House, where there flies giant bats with razor wings, Razor House, with an abundant store of razors which moved of their own accord.
Because, honestly, I can think of a lot of people who need the very, very specific, very special rehabillitation plan only death (and beyond) can provide…
Is there going to be a test over this?
I think you got a 100%, can I copy your paper and do you have the Math?
Geez, people. I am getting pretty damn sick and tired of this Test person. He/she/it should rot in the bloody, herpes-infested bowels of hell. Oh yeah, and the more people don’t bitch back at me, the more I am going to think I am right and the more I am going to push the limits of what is acceptable on this site >:) C’mon people, I’m an arrogant prick and my ego definatly does NOT need anymore feeding up. >:D
Of course, if you do agree with me, that is fine. Obviously, I am not an internet troll, so if I bite, by all means bite back >:)
A Train is traveling from Baltimore to Chicago (698 Miles) at a fairly consistent 60 miles per hour after the completion of it’s initial start. After Thirty minutes at 60 mph it begins to come to a complete stop at a station for a stop. It takes the train 5 minutes to come to a complete stop and then ten minutes before it accelerates from a complete stop to its full speed. Every even stop takes ten minutes every odd stop takes seven minutes. Assume that acceleration and deceleration are divided evenly across the entire start and stop duration.
The Train has thirty-one cars, each thirty-three feet long, with an eight foot connecting passage between each car. 27 of the cars are passenger cars, each can seat 40 people. The last car is a dining car that can seat 25 people. The three cars immediately in front of it are baggage cars.
There are two conductors on the train. One, Bert has a precise 22 inch step. He is responsible for checking tickets and doing baggage for the first eighteen passenger cars.
His assistant grace has an alternating step because of a wooden left leg. Her right step is 19 inches, her left step is 10 inches. She’s also mildly OCD and only steps into a car on her right foot and out of a car on her left foot, except when she’s leaving a baggage car. She handles the last 9 passenger cars. It takes either conductor 1 minute to take each ticket and add the bags to his or her baggage cart. It takes 10 seconds per bag to stow the bag in the baggage cart. Assume that the first baggage car they come to that is not full they deposit the bags. their carts can hold the baggage for thirty passengers and each baggage car can hold bags for 91 people.
On even numbered stops, odd cars get 3 people, even cars get seven people and one person leaves every car.
On odd numbered stops 4 people get on odd numbered passenger cars, none get on even numbered passenger cars and two people leave every car.
5 Minutes after the completion of any stop, two passengers every four minutes go to the dining car and spend 15 minutes in the car before returning to their seats.
Every other passenger is female, every fourth passenger is a child, every thirty-third passenger is an axe murderer who kills the thirty-fifth passenger and disposes of the body before jumping off the train, two minutes before the stop.
When the train leaves Baltimore, there are four people in every passenger car and the two conductors are one either end of the train.
1. by the end of the trip, how many Axe murderers has bert punched the tickets of?
2. How many bags has Grace stowed?
3. How many passengers make it to the end of the line?
4. How many people were killed?
5. How many of them were adults?
My brain just fell out of my ass. Do you have a cheat sheet for this?
I haven’t solved it yet, but I left off that each Conductor makes a single step every second when they are not punching a ticket.
I just thought it’d be a fun thought twister. I’m on vacation this weekend, I’ll make an answer for those interested on Monday or Tuesday.
True to form, my mind went completely blank after the end of the first sentence. It gave me instant recall of why I took the GED and fled high school forever at age 15. It also brought up horrible memories of failing elementary algebra three times in college, failing intermediate algebra three times in college, and then switching my major in my desperation to escape mathmatical word problems for all time. Thanks for giving me an unreasonable urge to scream and run from my desk. Even one sentence was like being served liver and onions.
Thanks you Jason, for turning my former brain into warm pink pudding.
take a long shot, I’m terrible at math and even worse with word problems :)
1. 32
2. Not enough information on how many bags each person has
3. 1020
4. 30
5. 25
rounded down. I’m sure I’m barely close…but hey, since it doesn’t even have an answer yet…that’s what I have :D
Karen before reading Jason’s question> “Hey folks, funny funny comments to ‘Test’”.
Karen after reading Jason’s question> “Guankka fjglllaoe llsjjfkkk? fooeennwllvx. Jeorbjsla dpnvlew!”
See everyone? This site and it’s comentators DO affect me!
Jason, this was good. lmfao
I got ‘Fuck you Jason’. Is that right?
:>)
This is a hard problem. Kudos to anyone who came up with possible outcomes.
Remember kids, “Dont drink and derive”.
My Magic 8 Ball says “Reply hazy, try again later”
Max? Can I make one tiny little suggestion? Can you please, please, pretty please add mugshotcity.com to your list of suggested websites? It’s sooooo fucking funny! Puh-lease!
That’s out of my realm of responsibility – you’ll have to write the admin of our website for those things. Alas, I am but a lowly editor and only have control over the day to day content, not the site layout.
Well, alrighty then. I shall inded beg admin to add that and one other. By the way check out this link. I almost peed myself-> http://funnymugshot.com/TRANSVESTITES.html
Did we pass?
This is a test to determine how many readers will respond to a post which solely reads “This is only a test”.
What in the world is going on!? My witty comments won’t post. Have I been banned?
Or am I just not allowed to provoke Ed anymore?
This thread should go to hell,
Next time, just voting buttons, as a test.
Keep up the great work.
A+ to you all. . . .
Damn. I’m in Braintree, MA right now, it is 8:49am, but it is pitch black outside… Should I be concerned?
I’m in Holbrook so I hope not.
It got a little bit lighter, so maybe it’s nothing to worry about, Moop. It was kinda freaky, though. I’m considering calling in sick tomorrow :)
THERE’S A DEAD MANATEE ON MY COUCH.
And I have a dead hooker under my desk…your point is?
Oops, my mistake, the hooker is not completely dead, she’s only MOSTLY dead. There’s a big difference…
Yep. If she’s only mostly dead, you still get your money’s worth….
Not anymore. She has alot of disappointed customers now :) If only she’d have given me my money, bro… She wouldn’t have had to feel my pimp hand… or my shovel >:)
But seriously, dead manatee on a couch? Where’s the PYSIH article on Cathy Sarinana’s killer? Aren’t manatees extinct, after all?
Nah, Tito, just endangered. And Cathy is a WHALE, not a manatee… Besides her murder would be a public service. Her killer would be lauded as a national hero :)
Yeah I meant endangered. Brain fair. And where the fuck do you get a harpoon big enough for a job that damn big?
Yaaargh. They call me Ishmael. I’ll give ye the whale… Yaaarrgh! Haha. Use a fifty cal or a torpedo. >:)
Wow my English is ridiculously bad today. Forgive me.
Gee, Tito, I could understand what you were saying… Guess we went to the same “Understanding Military Language” classes :)
I’m still waiting for the answer to Jason’s riddle.
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep.
I must know!!
I think I found the answer:
1) Tomato
2) Rodney King
3) 3 million
4) 0
5) The Magna Carta
Did I pass?
I’m sorry so late. Got caught up with a couple of doctor’s visits and some distractions but here’s the solution I have edited so far. I’ll add more to this in the coming days and weeks.
A Stop
5 minutes 0, 5 S (60/t+1)t
0 = 60, 60
1 = 30, 90
2 = 20, 110
3 = 15, 125
4 = 12, 137
5 = 10, 147
Divide total by 60 to get miles traveled = 2.45 miles to stop
A start, a stop and a travel make each stop composed of 35.379 miles
698 miles would normally be 19.729 stops, but we have a whole number of stops, so we have 20 stops and the last stop is actually a “short stop” with a shorter than 30 minute duration at 60 mph.
So, we need a chart to give us the base number of people before we start killing people off or punching tickets, so we need to build the organic progression first, applying only two rules. The number of people who get on or off at each location.
Stop Number, passengers per car 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27
0,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4,4
1,6,2,6,2,6,2,6,2,6,2,6,2,6,2,6,2,6,2,6,2,6,2,6,2,6,2,6
2,12,4,12,4,12,4,12,4,12,4,12,4,12,4,12,4,12,4,12,4,12,4,12,4,12,4,12
Can you see the pattern? We add 2 to odd cars on odd stops, gain 6 on even stops for odd cars, lose two and gain two on alternating odd even stops for even cars. Save for deaths and axe murderers leaving, the assigned “seats” of our passengers will force us to focus primarily on the odd cars.
Stop 20, when everyone gets off then would look like this
20,76,4,76,4,76,…
But wait you say, the cars only have 40 seats!
but I didn’t say they didn’t have any standing room…
Continued with other pieces later
Jason, you have officially turned my brain into mush. I believe that these are my last coherent words for a very, very long time.
I forgot to put the math for the start up there, I’ll pull it from home as soon as I bother to VPN in, but I think you can see it’s roughly 2.9 miles.
the total passengers are 80 * 15 + 76 = 1276 passengers
1. There were a total of 38 axe murderers who could have had their tickets punched, but my current calc puts only 11 of them as getting their tickets punched by Bert. I did come up with one example where only 9 tickets could be punched based upon the number of bags.
2. Is next to impossible, Kenny is right, but there’s a diminish formula I have that would claim, assuming at least one bag per person, eventually the number of bags exceeds the storage capacity of the cars.
3. Still not perfect.
4. 1 the 35th passenger is the only one killed.
5. The only passenger killed was an adult
Maybe my brain is solidifying a little bit…But I’ll stick with saying I have a dead hooker under the desk. :)
By chance, did that dead hooker die from brain damage? Because when I tried to figure out Jason’s problem, I think a part of my brain died.
Sorry for the delay. She died from complications of having my boot up her ass.
This thread is funny as hell! And to think that all of these replies started from “Test – This is only a test.”
I know! Oh, shit, where’d she go now? Hold on guys, I lost the dead hooker… Oh, nope, there she is.
Anyway, going on vacation in eight minutes. I will try to check in every now and again between now and the 20th.
See ya!
Miscount…15 minutes.
Where’s the love, NavyCop?! A dead Manatee lands upon my couch, and all of a sudden you question my integrity and honor?! I say that, dead Manatee’s aside, there is no shame in having, stashed away in the garage, several large bags of lime and sulfur, industrial strength bleach, not to mention a large shovel and double-bladed hacksaw. STRICTLY for edutainment purposes, mind you.
But manatees are endangered, Mike :( You can’t keep them around as long as you can keep the dead hooker.
And now there is a dead midget hooker under my desk… Fun for Everyone!
Fred, can you come get this dead midget hooker? She needs to be given to the Grunkes and their friend.
Shit, I forgot to study.
Test working and from all of the comments its working well….