Cesar Rodriguez and Nixzaliz Santiago
On January 11th, 2006, at around 4:00 AM, New York City emergency services responded to a report of an unconscious child at an apartment in the Bedford-Stuyvesant area of Brooklyn. When they arrived, they found a 7-year-old girl lying on a wooden floor, naked from the waist up, a pair of red sweatpants hanging off her malnourished frame. Bruises and ugly cuts covered her torso. Her half-opened eyes were blackened.
Little Nixzmary Brown was pronounced dead at the scene. An autopsy would later reveal that Nixzmary weighed only 36 pounds, about half the weight of a normal girl of her age. She had a gash on her forehead and a huge scab on here chin to go along with the two black eyes. Bruises of all different colors ran up and down her painfully thin frame. There were raw wounds on both her ankles, apparently from being tied to a chair or some other object. The direct cause of death was blunt force trauma to the head. She had also been sexually abused.
Police were called to the scene and searched the apartment. They found a fairly clean and well-kept home. Obviously there were other young children living there. Although there were three bedrooms, the three older kids were forced to sleep in a single bedroom, because the radiator in the other bedroom was broken. The two youngest children, 18 months and 6-months old, stayed in the master bedroom with their parents, Nixzaliz Santiago, 27, and Cesar Rodriguez, also 27. The kid’s room was full of all the things you would associate with kids – toys and games were scattered about, cute little outfits hung in the closets.
In the back of the apartment, they noticed a door with a length of rope tied to it’s doorknob. Originally, the family had used this small room as a 
storage area – the other children called it the “dirty room”.
There weren’t any toys in that room, and there were no cute little outfits. Amongst the Christmas decorations, bicycles and boxes, a lone chair sat in the center of the room, one of those metal torture devices with the hard wooden seat and backrest, like I had when I was in grammar school. Remnants of duct tape and rope hung from it’s frame, and a bungee cord sat on the floor by next to it. A pillow stained with streaks of blood lay off to the side, and a length of rope was tied to the doorknob.
In the corner of the room, police found a litter box – a litter box that had most certainly not been used by a cat, but by a young child. If you click here, you can see pictures of the items found in the “dirty room”.
This was Nixzmary’s room.
Detectives questioned the child’s mother, Cesar was very forthcoming, explaining how, because Nixzmary Brown was an especially difficult child – she was always stealing food and getting into trouble for breaking things around the house. He was forced to take “special measures” in order to keep the unruly child under control.
To punish her, Rodriguez would slap her, throw her to the ground, and whip her with a leather belt, then lock her in the “dirty room” for days with little or no food. When she was allowed to eat, she was forced to choke down cat food. She began sneaking out at night, so he put the littler box in the 
room and used the length of rope to tie the doorknob to the one across the hall. When that didn’t succeed in keeping her in her make-shift cell, Rodriguez began tying Nixzmary to the chair, wrapping duct tape around her torso and using the bungee cord to secure her ankles to the metal legs.
That night, Rodriguez had been beating Nixzmary for stealing a cup of strawberry Jello pudding and jamming his printer. After he got tired of hitting her, he picked her up and carried her to the bathroom. She cried for her mother, who begged Cesar to stop, but he refused to listen. He turn on the cold water and started dunking Nixzmary’s head in to the ice cold water, banging her head hard on the faucet each time he pulled her out. When he was satisfied he’d tortured the little 7-year-old enough, he threw he down on the floor in her room.
“I probably used all my force. I told her, ‘This is for your own good’”
Nixzaliz Santiago took a quick look at at Nixzmary sprawled naked on a comforter, then went back into the living room. She waited two more hours before she bothered to check her daughter again. By then she was cold to the touch and shivering violently. Santiago took her into the bathroom and let her soak in a warm bath, then dressed he in a red jogging suit and put her to bed. As she went to leave the room, Nixzmary pleaded with her mother, “Mommy, mommy, don’t leave me.” Those were the last words she would ever speak.
Santiago went into the living room and told Cesar Rodriguez that she thought something might be wrong with Nixzmary. Even though he could hear hear gasping for breath, he told Santiago that she was probably faking. At around 4:00 AM, one of the older children woke his parents up to 
tell them that Nixzmary wasn’t making a noises. Rodriguez discovered she wasn’t breathing. In truth, Nixzmay Brown had been dead almost 7 hours – 7 hours and no one cared enough to check on her. There was no phone in the apartment, so a panicked Nixzaliz Santiago ran upstairs to her neighbor’s apartment to call 911 while Rodriguez tried to perform CPR on the child’s lifeless body.
Cesar Rodriguez and Nixzaliz Santiago were both arrested that day and charged with the murder of Nixzmary Brown, and were locked up at Riker’s Island to await trial. Rodriguez gave a jailhouse interview while he was awaiting trial. Here are some excerpts from that interview:
“I don’t want to say she deserved it, but . . .” Rodriguez said, then reeled off a list of transgressions, most of which would hardly shock the parents of a rambunctious grade-schooler.
He said that Nixzmary could not stop breaking her siblings’ toys and parents’ belongings. She would cut her sister’s hair, steal money from her parents, and steal milk from the baby, he said, and she would also “attack” her siblings while they slept.
“This child was a handful,” he said.
He said that she recently admitted to burning his 6-month-old son, Gabriel, with a cigarette lighter. Mr. Rodriguez recalled beating her for it and asking her, “How could you do this to a helpless little child?”
He said he would lock Nixzmary in her room at night, where she used a litter box to urinate. Sometimes he would bind her to a chair with twine and duct tape.
Mr. Rodriguez said that often after a beating, he would hold her up to a mirror and urge her that it was easier to just behave.
“I would say: ‘Talk to yourself, how do you feel about yourself now? Do you really want to live like this?’ ” he said. “She would say no.”
Nixzmary was losing weight in recent months, he said, because she refused to eat most foods. She weighed 36 pounds when she died.
Mr. Rodriguez added, “If I had to do it all over, I would pressure myself to take her to the precinct and just leave her there.”
Here, he describes the night of Nixzmary’s death:
The last night of Nixzmary’s life, there was tension in the home, he said. Groceries were brought home, and Mr. Rodriguez said he began doling out cups of vanilla-strawberry yogurt, but an extra yogurt remained unaccounted for. After an extensive interrogation of the children, he concluded that Nixzmary had eaten it without permission.
He calmed himself by using his computer but found that his printer was jammed. Nixzmary had jammed it with toys, he said.
Mr. Rodriguez refused to say what he did next. He began sobbing and said that he sees Nixzmary in his mind. “I ask her why she had to put me through so much trouble.”
She won’t be causing anyone trouble anymore, will she Cesar? You asshole.
Cesar Rodriguez was the first to face a jury, in January of 2008. His lawyer, Jeffery Schwartz, a man after my own heart, set the tone for the trial by blaming the victim, Nixzmary Brown, for the abuse she received at the hands of Mr. Rodriguez.
“Little Nixzmary Brown was quite a feisty youngster for whatever reason.”
“She was like a little Houdini trying to get out. She was feisty, spiky and funky.”
He admitted Rodriguez slapped, spanked and whipped Nixzmary with a belt, but “he didn’t do it with the intent to hurt.”
For reasons I cannot fathom, the jury acquitted Cesar Rodriguez of 2nd Degree Murder. Instead, they convicted him of first-degree manslaughter and unlawful imprisonment. After the trial the jurors said they couldn’t agree that Rodriguez intended to kill Nixzmary Brown, so it wasn’t possible to convict him of 2nd degree murder.
As he faced Justice L. Priscilla Hall, about to sentence him for causing his 7-year-old stepdaughter’s death, Cesar Rodriguez said he was sorry. He said he loved his stepdaughter, Nixzmary Brown. He said he would serve his time. But he just could let well enough alone:
“I’m just sorry for causing everybody any emotional pain or distorted memories about the child. I’m just sorry. I loved Nixzmary.”
“But I can honestly say that I’m being accused of something I did not do.”
“If in the end, God gives me enough life to show to this court how wrong this makes that judgment, I wish to prove that some day.”
Justice Hall was not impressed, and sentenced Cesar Rodriguez to the maximum term allowed by law, 29 years, with a minimum of 27.
Nixzaliz Santiago went on trial in October of 2007. One of the highlights was a 79 minute taped police interrogation of Nixzaliz Santiago. It shows a woman who did nothing to stop the beatings her daughter endured at the hands of Cesar Rodriguez, and in the end, left her daughter to die alone in a filthy storage room. Prosecutors accused her of showing “depraved indifference” to the suffering of Nixzmary, and that made her guilty of 2nd degree murder.
The Jury disagreed. On October 17th 2008, Santiago was found guilty of first-degree manslaughter, assault, unlawful imprisonment and endangering the welfare of a child. Justice Patricia M. DiMango sentenced Santiago to 43 years in prison. Justice DiMango had nothing nice to say about the mother of Nixzmary Brown:
“By your own statements, she gasped for air, moaning, and called for you twice until she died. You, Ms. Santiago, ignored these desperate calls.
“You may not have delivered the fatal blow, but the jury found it was in your power to prevent the effects of it. Were it not for your failure to act, Nixzmary Brown would have probably not died from that blow on that day.”
There’s an excellent memorial page set up for Nixmary Brown on MySpace, which I highly recommend everyone take a good look at. To be redirected there, click here.
UPDATE: NEW YORK CITY’S CHILD SERVICE’S ROLE IN NIXZMARY’S DEATH
As the comments started coming in, I realized what a mistake it was for me to have not included the failure of New York City’s version of child services, the Administration for Children’s Services, to act and save Nixzmary Brown’s life in my story. Very early on in the abuse that was perpetrated on the 7-year-old girls, her teachers recognized the signs and reported their concerns to ACS, but ACS repeatedly either did nothing or delayed making mandatory home visits, even after Nixzmary began missing weeks of school at a time because of injuries received at the hands of Cesar Rodriguez and Nixzaliz Santiago.
After an extensive investigation, child welfare commissioner John B. Mattingly read a report to the City Council General Welfare Committee, detailing the many missed opportunities to rescue Nixzmary Brown. The New York Times reported on this meeting:
The new chronology of missteps in Nixzmary’s case came as City Hall remained transfixed by what is suspected to be another case of fatal child abuse, this time in the Bronx, and the potentially deadly inefficiencies in the system designed to prevent it. The review was released as the city’s child welfare commissioner, John B. Mattingly, appeared before the City Council to answer questions about agency procedures and as the police sorted through the details of the most recent death, in a home the agency had been monitoring.
The report on the death of Nixzmary, 7, revealed a series of missteps and miscommunications that hampered efforts to protect the little girl.
The report said caseworkers had failed to react to warning signs of a “crisis mounting in the household,” including Nixzmary’s extended absences from school, strange behavior by the girl’s mother and an inability to gain access to the child’s Brooklyn apartment to check on her. A summary accompanying the report said caseworkers had taken weeks to contact the school guidance counselor who had initially reported Nixzmary’s prolonged absence.
On Jan. 10, an agency supervisor instructed caseworkers to go to Nixzmary’s home that night, but they never went, the report said. Instead, a caseworker went to the apartment the next morning, discovered ambulances and police officers at the scene, “and was informed that Nixzmary had died.”
During testimony before the City Council’s General Welfare Committee yesterday, Mr. Mattingly pinpointed “two lost opportunities,” in which, he said, “we were in a position to protect Nixzmary and were not able to get the job done.”
The first opportunity, he said, came in May, when a guidance counselor at the girl’s school reported that the child had missed 46 days and had sustained a burn to her hand, among other injuries. But after a two extensive reviews, the agency determined that Nixzmary was not suffering educational neglect and that her absences had been due to her mother’s inability to get her to school during her pregnancy.
“There is no way you can unfound an educational neglect case when a child has missed 46 days of school,” Mr. Mattingly said yesterday. He said the agency was considering new procedures requiring more aggressive investigation in such cases.
The second missed opportunity, Mr. Mattingly said, started with school officials again reporting suspicions of abuse in early December. Mr. Mattingly said during his testimony that caseworkers had moved quickly, but inadequately, to investigate. For one, he said, caseworkers should have been more diligent in pursuing a court order giving them access to Nixzmary’s home after Mr. Rodriguez refused to let them in.
Mr. Mattingly pointed to several other problems, as well. He said that upon receiving the new complaint in December, authorities failed to form the sort of emergency response team of police detectives and caseworkers that is required in cases determined to be the most serious.
Case notes indicate that the child welfare official in charge of initiating such an “instant response team” had moved to do so, the report found, “but this was later contradicted in an interview where she clarified that the discussion with Detective F. concluded the case not to be an I.R.T.,” the abbreviation for the emergency team. Detective F. is not more fully identified in the report.
So there you have it. As is usually the case in these kinds of child deaths, child services has their fair share of blood on their hands. Their was a massive shakeup at ACS, their budget was increased, incompetent employees were fired, new case workers were hired, blah, blah, blah. You guys have heard this all before. And you’ll hear it again, because too many people treat what they do at child services as just a career and not a calling. Children’s lives depend on them doing what their supposed to do, and there’s no place for those men and women who cut corners and refuse to do their jobs.
UPDATE 07-07-2009 – NIXZMARY BROWN AUTOPSY PHOTOGRAPHS
I received a great email from Joan, the administrator of End Child Abuse Now, a website dedicated to the memory of children that died at the hands of their parent/parents, like Nixzmary Brown or Kristen Salem. It’s a beautiful site with touching memorials to several different victims.
So anyways, she sent me a links to Nixzmary Brown’s autopsy photos. There not too graphic – there’s no blood or views of the actual procedure – but they do show all of her external injuries. Unfortunately, that link has been removed.
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72 Comments »
Holy mother of God!
OK, here’s where I started crying: “Mr. Rodriguez recalled beating her for it and asking her, “How could you do this to a helpless little child?”
Yes, Mr. Rodriguez, how COULD you do that to a helpless little child? If that little girl was such a handful, why didn’t you get her HELP, Mr. Rodriguez? Why didn’t you spend the money that you spoiled your other children with, and use it to help this terribly troubled little child, Mr. Rodriguez? Why didn’t you go to the state and ask for assistance to give this beautiful little girl a chance at life? Why did you have to kill that child, Mr. Rodriguez?
Was the victim the oldest child in the house?
If she was the oldest and she was the only step child, could it be that Cesar Rodriguez was trying from the very beginning to kill off the only child that wasn’t his?
I don’t see anything that deals with the sexual abuse, but I do wonder about an 18 month old and a 6 month old in the same home. Call me crazy, but given that most women have 9 month pregnancies, that means only 3 months separated the birth of the older and the next pregnancy?
I was led to believe that child birth, back to back to back like that was fairly dangerous to both mother and child.
She was the oldest Jason, and prosecutors chose to drop the sex abuse charges against Rodriguez because it would have forced one of the younger children (a six year old) to testify against him in court. Apparently Nixzmary wasn’t the only kids he was diddling. This guy is a true scumbag in every sense of the word.
So. This guy turns her into an angry, defiant child by molesting her, and then destroys her when she acts out. It is so beyond sick. I have rarely wished for misery for a human like I wish it for Cesar Rodriguez. And his fucking breeding cow – the one who gave birth to this poor baby. I refuse to call her a mother.
Jason, that was a very good question, and one that I have been thinking about a lot. There are so many boyfriends/stepfathers who just destroy the children that are not theirs. There is also some some common mentality, especially among lower-income people, about “claiming” their flesh and blood children. (I can’t quite explain what I mean, but if you ever watch Maury or something like that, you can see the reaction.)
I have been wondering for a long time – is this some kind of genetic thing? Like lions – who kill off the offspring of their competitors. It happens too often to be a coincidence. And yet, there are many wonderful stepfathers who are happy to take on another man’s child as their responsibility. WHAT is the difference. Is there something that can be identified? Fixed? Or are we doomed to seeing dead children, so long as the female spawner’s have no incentive to stay with the sperm donors? It’s driving me CRAZY thinking about it!
I was wrong about that. The person who asked me to write this story, Brenda, has informed me that Nixzmary was actually the second oldest child in the house. Also, only the two babies were Cesar Rodriguez’ biological children – The other four kids, including little Nixzmary, were his stepchildren.
Oh…well that changes EVERYTHING.
I guess stepfathers don’t have to treat children not biologically linked to them like they do their own… *sarcasm*
I’m sorry Max…
I’m the oldest of seven, and my step-dad treated me just like his own two kids, because that is was decent people do.
This guy and the mother both deserve something far worse than Hell.
Him for abusing this child, and her for allowing it to go on.
Each time I read a story involving child abuse, I can only think one thing: An eye for an eye is an appropriate punishment. by that I mean the ‘parent’ should have to suffer the same abuse as the child, and die in the same fashion.
Call me barbaric, I honestly don’t care. When something so evil is done to someone so innocent, it raises a scream of disbelief and terror from your very core, to hell with PC. Give me barbarism.
I so agree with you…
Amen, sister! Anyone who does evil things to kids should die, preferably by having their hide sliced off 1 inch at a time!
I don’t even know what to say about Cesar. He deserves whatever he gets. As for the mother, I just can’t understand. This little girl pleaded with her mother not to leave her and mom goes and hops in bed with the man who just beat her daughter. How could she do that?!
The casket looks way more comfortable than her room….
Also… maybe one of the other children cause the problems to the printer????? Are we sure it was Nixzmary… 18 month olds walk, and the entire world is a big toy… can’t watch them all 86400 seconds of the day…..
At that age most “handfuls” are just looking for attention… I hardly think she was doing crack yet……
Also going balistic over an extra pudding…. not eating everything that she was given…..
1. Were the other children “perfect”
2. I think if these were my parentys, I’d be dead long time ago… I was “difficult” at time myself….
3. Mac and cheese – cheap and kids love it – sometimes the cheaper the better….
She could have been restained to a bed…… there she could at least get some real sleep….. how can anyone get any real sleep tied to a chair like that????
Anyway odds are when Ceasar and Nixzalia go up to the Pearly Gates I am sure that they will see their little troublesome angel once again – blocking their entrance! or maybe she’ll have tied the gates shut – you know how kids just love to give it back to the parents….
Psychopaths never accept the blame or the responsibility of what they do to other people. He’s basically saying that since she was out of control he HAD to abuse her. WTFE. He’s an abuser. It was only a matter of time. This girl never had a chance.
They are both going to where they won’t be able to inflict any more pain on any child. I hope they get beaten everday of their lives and never get parolled.
SHIT – ASSHOLE
Now look at what you made me do!
YOU MADE ME type some very bad words……..
I remember this case. She was such a beautiful child. Her story is so incredibly sad and horrific. I never heard before though that she begged her “mommy” not to leave her….and those were her last words. Wow. I got shivers just writing that. So heartbreaking….I have sons, always wished I had had a daughter- and you’ve got these scummy people just beating, molesting and degrading that cute little girl. A litterbox? Seriously?? They should have been convicted of capital murder. How can you not know that bashing someones head into a metal faucet can very well be fatal?? Makes me so pissed. Her “mother” should have her fallopian tubes ripped out of her body with no paid meds…and don’t even get me started on that evil perverted man.
Didn’t even bother reading it. Sick all I can say. These scumbags deserve to rot in Hell.
I just wonder why the neighbors never called the police. They lived in an apartment building and no one heard this poor child’s cry?
You have to read the New York Times article I linked to at the end of the story – it tells about how NYC child services dropped the ball big time.
Rest in peace little one.
I always find it disturbing in these kinds of stories that the mother does not even lift a finger to help this poor little girl. Instead of helping her child she goes to sleep without a worry in the world.
I am not going to even comment on the so called “father” of this little girl, because most of you are probably thinking the same thing i am…the definition of human scum.
Oh and this is my first post ever on this site! I’ve been coming here for a while now and decided to make myself shown. So hi to everyone and to Max and the other writers keep it up! You make me more aware to the kinds of people living in our world.
Welcome King of My Favorite Drink! Caffeine rocks =)
Yes oh mighty one, welcome – we’re glad you enjoy our little piece of hell.
Welcome to God’s advisory board…..
Like God really needs to be told what He should do….
omg… the picture of that sweet girl in her coffin will haunt me for a long time. to hell with those 2 pigs.
What is this totally weird shit about starving your kid? Like the final murderous act is precipitated by a frigging missing 45 cent vanilla-strawberry yogurt! Yeah, the kid stole food…..BECAUSE YOU WERE STARVING HER TO DEATH!! It takes a lot of EFFORT to starve a kid to death. It’s pretty damn slow, for one thing. And they’re probably a real pain in the ass because they’re IN PAIN BECAUSE YOU’RE STARVING THEM TO DEATH!!
How evil. I haven’t decided if this is Shawn Ryan Grell evil yet. That one took the prize.
There are a few reasons I would rate this one worse – first is that this was a long drawn out torture as opposed to one terrible incident. The second, and the worst, is that this poor child had no one to love and nurture her. From the way it sounds, Kirsten Grell had a good mother and grandparents, so her life was probably not total, unadulterated, constant misery.
I want to hurt these people. I don’t think I have ever felt as angry about a story on PYSIH as this one.
UPDATED: Child Services’ Role in Nixzmary’s Death Added To Story.
Yet two more scum that don’t deserve to breathe or exist in this world, they just need thrown into a pit of hungry alligators..I think she is more evil than he is because she just stood there and watched. I remember a story about a cat firefighters found after a fire who was burned and singed because she went into a burning building to rescue her kittens 4 or 5 times so don’t call this bitch an animal, animals will die to protect their children, not stand there and watch your kid starve and die..their continued existence offends me
I totally remember that cat. It was rescued from the fire and went back into the burning building 5 times to get it’s kittens. IIRC, one of them was even already dead. She had to have her ears and eyelids amputated.
Pretty sad that a cat has more parental instincts than so many of these POSs.
This case reminds me of the very first abuse case I stumbled across, that gave me the interest and outrage to eventually end up on PYSIH- The ”mother’ , Colleen Broe, was alleged by her estranged husband of duct-taping their 1 and 2 year olds like mummies in their cribs. And had 30 something pictures to prove it. He said/she said. She claimed he posed the pix for divorce revenge. Neither one of them were convicted. Google her- there’s still a few of the pics around. It was such a wake-up call for me- I had no idea people could be so cruel. Just in time, since I had my boys after that. People should be forced to follow some of these cases before they are allowed to have children.
I’d like to know where the biological father was during all of this, as well as the other family members and neighbors. To the so-called ‘mother’ and the stepfather…both of them- parenting? FAIL. Having a soul that could even be sent to Hell? FAIL.
c
It’s a long read, but the myspace tribute gores into the biological dad. It seems that Nixzaliz was pretty much a ho-bag.
The oldest kid went to his biological dad in Puerto Rico. (Bio dad #1).
The two younger kids after Nixzmary have a different dad (Bio dad #3) He is fighting for custody of them now. The writeup says that he was a good father and stepfather. he gave Nixzmary his last name.
The two youngest are the product of this scumworm Rodriguez (Bio Dad #4) The grandmother is fighting for custody of them, and fighting BD #3 for the other 2 kids.
So Nixzmary’s father was Bio dad #2. He reportedly told Nixzaliz to get an abortion and she refused, saying (no lie) “I’m against abuse of children and abortion.” She then ran off and refused contact with him for daring to suggest that she abort.
YEAH BITCH! I bet that poor child was SO grateful that you didn’t abort her. Goddamn whore dropping babies with guys all over the place. DAMN that pisses me off.
My only issue with that is from the point of view that a woman can be a “social butterfly” (to put it nicely) and have babies with 10 different men if she chooses… as long as she takes care of them and they are happy, I don’t give a shit. Let people talk, and who cares? IF she’s a good mom.
If she’s a cumguzzling slut whore bitch like this wench and is only after that next great almighty fucking, then string her up and let her rot.
I’m not sure that’s possible Alanna. By the time a woman has had children with 4 different fathers I think is indicative that her priorities are warped. The kids are not the priority, the penis is. And it’s pretty easy to see that the kids were supposed to be glue to the penis. After the third failure, why would she think that the 4th would be ok?
Plus, the 3rd was, by the myspace account, a good man. So what would prompt her to hook up with a crummy man, and allow him to treat her like a slave and the kids like punching bags? Only one thing – the need to have a perma-penis. Even at the expense of her little girl’s health, well being, innocence and even her damned life.
In theory I agree with you. IF there was a woman with 10 kids from 10 men, who was a devoted, loving mother, the number of fathers would not be terribly relevant – but I don’t imagine it happens too often. If nothing else, having that many men in and out of your life would be terribly disrupting to the children, and it would be almost impossible to overcome that.
I think the key factor in that is “If”. If a woman can be a bedhopper, that does not preclude being a good mother. You don’t have to even introduce your kids to the flavor of the month. I’m sure there are women out there who have done it, but we just hear about the scumbags.
I can see how a woman would leave a good man for a loser. After all, in more troubling times, I have done so. And it galls me to think of the petty reasons why I did it, but in the end, I guess it doesn’t matter: I did not have children then, and men became much less of a priority after my daughter was born.
But can a man be judged the same way???
A woman who has 10 different kids with 10 different men can make a decent living while the other way around… the guy is poor and so aren’t the kids.
IIdeally a woman finds a man that will love her and the kids that they assemble (you know screw together)…..
Just because one can does not mean one should…..
Octumom……. she can, she did and who pays????
I’m bothered by the fact that he got less prison time than the mother. Unless I missed something, he should have as many if not more years. He did the beating and, though not on the charges, the sex assault. While both committed heinous deeds, his were the most so, and he got fewer years. That doesn’t seem right.
Since you are being polite – I will say this – it is a big indication of what is wrong with jury trials in our country. The trial is subject to the whims and makeup of the jury. These two were tried separately, and each jury decided based on a myriad of factors, including such nonsense as the personalities of the defense and the prosecution lawyers.
I have mentioned before that Germany has a pretty good system which allows participation of the public, while making sure that the public understands the applicable laws and applies it accordingly. They have a panel of 3 judges – two of whom are professional and the third is a member of the public.
It seems to me that if the US could modify juries to something like that – or maybe have professional jurists to lead the public jury and be sure that they understand the facts and the law, we could see a lot more fairness. Anyone who ever watches “true crime” TV has heard juries who admit there was little or no evidence, but they just “felt” the perp did it, so they convicted. That’s just wrong.
To put it more bluntly, while the sexual abuse may be physically documented, there’s no proof it was the stepfather. The main witness is conveniently dead. While the so-called ‘mother’ was no doubt a witness, testifying against him would only make her case worse, as she’d have to admit she knew about it. The other child, the 6 year old for some reason refused or was prevented from testifying against him. Just shows that children should be allowed to testify in court on video in separate rooms. Where is the logic? It implies if you traumatize a child enough you guarantee they’ll never have the nerve to face you in court.
So, long story short, he got off because the primary victim was already dead.
c
I was thinking the exact same thing about the stepfather getting a lesser sentence than the mother. After thinking it through, I think the mother should absolutely get more punishment. She is the flesh and blood parent and watched her daughter get beaten, starved, emotionally damaged and molested. It will never stop to shock me that a mother will stand by and let horrible things happen to her children while claiming they had no idea that it was going on.
My mother liked to play dumb about my father’s doings. When my sister asked her what she would do if she found out that my father had molested her, my mother responded that it would be unforgivable. Really? Well, then why are they still together? Ignorance is bliss.
This one hit a little to close to home for me, I guess.
god bless this little angel
i have 7 year old twin girls who like all children can be trying at times but it wouldn’t even enter my head to treat them like this. There is no excuse for what they did to this little girl. There is nothing i can say about the people that did it to her because it won’t even touch how evil they really are .
All i can say is thanks god the little girls pain is over r.i.p xx
I think it likely has a lot to do with lawyers in the sentencing. I thought Cesar getting less years was a crock as well…however he likely had a better lawyer. The mother got what she deserved, no question…but Cesar got way too few years for commiting the act. Stories like this really make me want to get a job with DCS so much.
This story made me sick to my stomach. After watching the videos, I looked at the Myspace page. Did anyone else see the part where the mother refused the abortion that this child’s birth father offered to pay for because “she is against child abuse and abortion” ? She then left the relationship because the man had suggested abortion. HOW THE FUCK do you go from leaving a man because of a suggestion, to staying with a man who is actively abusing your child? This woman deserves so much more than 43 years.
As for Cesar- I find that he continues to blame the child proof that he should never again be allowed to walk free in society. Children don’t act out like this for no reason- we know that. I think it is terrible that he was not charged for the sexual abuse. That means when he does get out- there will be another un registered sex offender walking the streets. 29 years. Wow. For the murder of a child. I can only truly hope that someone in GP gets ahold of this man and gives him a taste of his own medicine.
unfreakinbelieavable. what cesar infliced on her was absolute torture. looking at the beautiful girl’s pics, she strikes me as full of character, and this was something her step-day slowly but surely destroyed in her. his sentencing of 29 years is an absolute disgrace.
i went to the myspace memorial page and read more and more, the victim stood absolutely no chance, with a pyschotic step-dad and a pathetic excuse for what is normall called a ‘mom.’ the sexual abuse was not discussed there from what i can see, but i’m disgusted that he never had to face these charges, especially since there is another witness. this man will walk the streets again and that just sickens me.
rest in peace, beautiful girl.
Cesar’s sister tried to show up at the wake and the family flew into a rage. They invited the media in to take pictures of the girl in her casket because they wanted the world to know what these “parents” had done to her. 29 years sentencing for this crime is more than a disgrace. But I don’t think for one second that the family won’t be after these scumbags when they are let out. Just my opinion as someone who comes from a tight knit family. The latin culture is extremely family oriented. You’re supposed to protect your family. I believe they will carry out a justice the prison system never would.
moop, that is very true of the latin culture and i can’t imagine they will let this go, since the ‘system’ didn’t take care of it properly. however, i want to know where all these friends and family were while all the abuse was going on and the girl was noticeably not right???!!
It’s bcause of cases lik this that I’m hoping to becom a CPS worker when I gt out of the Army next year. I’m sick and tired of seeing cases like this on this website. I read time and time again of CPS (or their equivelant in certain areas) dropping the ball and it pisses me off to no end. Too many cases are preventable that I read of, and these poor children suffer greatly because people are trying to fit square pegs in round holes.
Tito, go for it. If you have the calling, you could help hundreds of children who need to be protected. What type of degree would one need, I imagine a BA in social work?? Tito that would make two great services you did for this country. You def have my respect.
Props to you my brother – like I said in the article, working for CPS isn’t a career, it’s a calling, and it’s pretty obvious you already figured that out for yourself.
It will be extremely frustrating for you because you have a sense of morality and common sense……
Sometimes I think that CPS may get better results if hey reported to a local street gang…. the gang may dispense justice better than our court system!
I’ve accessed this website almost daily for probably over 18 months now. My friends can’t understand why I do it and most express their disapproval. I haven’t posted before but feel I know most of you so well. Max, Glorybug, Mazzi, Tito, Eternal, The Bosses Secretary, Miwist, Fred, Amy and Jason (to name a few) make this site what it is- a brilliant insight from intelligent people into what the world is really like.
Whilst I have become numb to most of the inhumanity I read about here and cannot pretend to be shocked, I will never cease to wonder how people can do the things they do. Do some people just not have that part of the brain that tells a person what line to not cross?? Surely they must know that what they are doing is wrong? I can’t understand it. I feel awful if I don’t give my dog her usual goodnight scratch behind the ear!
Living where I do, I am relatively sheltered from this kind of thing. Things like this just dont happen here and I thank my lucky stars for it every time I read a new story on pysih. We maybe have one murder a year for the whole state, and even that’s pushing it.
Thanks to Max and all of the contributors for providing a reality check. Please keep up the good work.
I must agree with stapler on this one, the asshole should have got as much jail time as the mother. This wasn’t the first time he had beaten and abused that poor little girl. It was just the first time he had been caught. I can’t help but torture myself with the question of how long the abuse would have continued had it not been fatal that night…….
By the way, does anyone know where Amy is? I haven’t seen her post for quite some time.
While I do not know much about you Meg, just do not ever take the attitude hat it can never happen here. “Closed doors” can hide so much…..
Keep your mind and heart open, but also keep your head… Not every cry of “Wolf” is true, but not every wolf gets caught either…
But welcome to the discussion!
Hi Fred! Thanks for the welcome :)
No I certainly didn’t mean that it wouldn’t or couldn’t happen here (heck, Martin Bryant happened in my state, just a couple of hours drive from where I live) I just meant that I am relatively sheltered from it compared to most and thanks to this site, my eyes and ears are always open.
Mostly our tragedies are road accidents- 9 killed on our roads today, a very dark day for our small state.
I don’t think my brain could cope with the thought of what goes on behind closed doors. Imagine, if these are just the assholes brought to our attention by sites such as this one, what goes on that we don’t hear about?? What don’t we hear about until it’s too late?
It’s a scary thought.
On a side note, I have seen mentioned on here a few times how state mental hospitals were closed in America and I believe you may have mentioned it before. Can you enlighten me on this?
When did it happen? What was the reason? What were the implications? What is the alternative?
We’d all like to know what’s going on with Amy Meg, especially me. we became pretty good friends over the months in which she contributed so much to this website. I recently tried to contact her by email, but I haven’t gotten a reply yet.
We’re glad you think so highly of PYSIH. I like to thank you personally for the kind words about our regulars. I’m probably a bit biased, because I consider most if not all of the people you mentioned my friends, but I also believe we have some of the best people on the web commenting here on a daily basis, and it’s a continuous source of pride for me and the administrator of the site.
I don’t know why these people that we write about do the things they do, or why there has to be this kind of evil in the world. But as long as there are people raping, killing, abusing and neglecting children, and committing murder and rape in the name of greed, jealousy and ignorance, we plan to keep writing them up, showing solidarity with the victims and their families, and doing what we can to make sure they face the justice they deserve.
And for this I applaud you. It truly is a great site and you all do it justice. You are justified in being proud.
I also meant to mention Turtle, many a laugh has been had from his posts.
I sure hope Amy is ok. Her absence is certainly noticed. Being a fellow Aussie, I followed her posts often. Be sure to keep us in the loop if you do hear from her.
Thanks again :)
It took me a little time to comment on this one because I spent a long time reviewing all of the information on the myspace tribute page. First, I would really like to thank the person that took the time, energy, & love to set up this page on behalf of little Nixzmary.
This poor little one was put through more torture in her young life than several groups of people together. Her poor little body was testimony to the brutal horrors by all of the physical scars and her skinny frame. And if that wasn’t horrific enough, her little body told another tale that was not as obvious…..sexual abuse. Although it’s apparent that Cesar was a monster towards the wife and other children, little Nixzmary seemed to be the focus of the majority of his rage. It’s hard enough to read about these horrors and imagine the indignities these little ones suffer, but to be able to view the photos makes the reality of the situation just bitch slap you in the face.
I’m glad the mother got 43 years in prison….I wish she would have never gotten out. Although there are some cases where the mothers did not know about the sexual abuse going on, I do NOT believe this was the case here. It is apparent that the mother knew about all of the abuse and she would ask him to stop, but she would stop short, tuck tail, & run if it meant she was going to get her ass beat. I believe that she knew about the sexual abuse, but that she was too scared of this guy to do the right thing by her daughter. It is apparent that she wouldn’t do the right thing by her daughter or this baby wouldn’t be dead. Also, I believe that he was probably sexual abusing the other daughter also. If they chose not to seek go after him for the sexual abuse charges, it was most likely to spare another victim from having to testify and ultimately relive that nightmare over again on the witness stand. I could be wrong…it could have been the state trying to spare one of the other children who was a witness to the sexual abuse and not a victim themselves, but normally they will drop the charges so that a victim doesn’t have to testify. This is very disturbing to me because this means that this child raping POS will be out walking the streets and he doesn’t have to register as a sex offender. It’s apparent that he likes little girls, so any little girl that ever comes into contact with Cesar is in imminent danger and could become a victim of this predator. As much as I hate the thought of anyone ever becoming a victim of rape, I would not be able to conjur up any sympathy for Cesar if he was a victim of a prison Bubba. I can’t help it, but I would probably think to myself, “Karma….ain’t it a fucking bitch, Cesar? Well, suck it the fuck up because you just need a little discipline. Yeah, you need a little discipline the way you thought Nixzmary needed discipline. Karma…..go suck on that thought for a while. Wait, I hear Bubba calling for you…..he said you can think about that for a little bit while you suck on something else….Bitch!” (Sorry so graphic, but I have to admit I am so pissed off about this that I’m shaking as I type this!)
As stupid as this may sound, I was really pissed off when I read his statements in the article above trying to justify why he did these things to Nixzmary.
INFO FROM ARTICLE:
** “I don’t want to say she deserved it, but . . .” Rodriguez said, then reeled off a list of transgressions, most of which would hardly shock the parents of a rambunctious grade-schooler.
** He said that Nixzmary could not stop breaking her siblings’ toys and parents’ belongings. She would cut her sister’s hair, steal money from her parents, and steal milk from the baby, he said, and she would also “attack” her siblings while they slept.
** “This child was a handful,” he said.
** He said that she recently admitted to burning his 6-month-old son, Gabriel, with a cigarette lighter. Mr. Rodriguez recalled beating her for it and asking her, “How could you do this to a helpless little child?”
** He said he would lock Nixzmary in her room at night, where she used a litter box to urinate. Sometimes he would bind her to a chair with twine and duct tape.
** Mr. Rodriguez said that often after a beating, he would hold her up to a mirror and urge her that it was easier to just behave.
** “I would say: ‘Talk to yourself, how do you feel about yourself now? Do you really want to live like this?’ ” he said. “She would say no.”
** Nixzmary was losing weight in recent months, he said, because she refused to eat most foods. She weighed 36 pounds when she died.
** Mr. Rodriguez added, “If I had to do it all over, I would pressure myself to take her to the precinct and just leave her there.”
** Here, he describes the night of Nixzmary’s death:
** The last night of Nixzmary’s life, there was tension in the home, he said. Groceries were brought home, and Mr. Rodriguez said he began doling out cups of vanilla-strawberry yogurt, but an extra yogurt remained unaccounted for. After an extensive interrogation of the children, he concluded that Nixzmary had eaten it without permission.
** He calmed himself by using his computer but found that his printer was jammed. Nixzmary had jammed it with toys, he said.
** Mr. Rodriguez refused to say what he did next. He began sobbing and said that he sees Nixzmary in his mind. “I ask her why she had to put me through so much trouble.”
** She won’t be causing anyone trouble anymore, will she Cesar? You asshole.
** Cesar Rodriguez was the first to face a jury, in January of 2008. His lawyer, Jeffery Schwartz, a man after my own heart, set the tone for the trial by blaming the victim, Nixzmary Brown, for the abuse she received at the hands of Mr. Rodriguez.
** “Little Nixzmary Brown was quite a feisty youngster for whatever reason.”
** “She was like a little Houdini trying to get out. She was feisty, spiky and funky.”
** He admitted Rodriguez slapped, spanked and whipped Nixzmary with a belt, but “he didn’t do it with the intent to hurt.”
After reading that, I was utterly disgusted. But his scumbag lawyer really took the cake when he actually tried to say that little Nixzmary was the cause the abuse because she “was quite a feisty youngster for whatever reason.” The lawyer needs to be strung up along with this sicko Cesar and put down! After reading that, I do have one question for Cesar since he seems to have an answer to justify his behavior for everything that occured in this situation, but there was one question they didn’t ask him. The question is…..Cesar, what justification did you have for sexually abusing Nixzmary? What fucking excuse can come up with for raping a little 7 year old child over and over again?”
I hope these two bastards burn in hell.
RIP Nixzmary!!! May you never feel pain or sadness again!
Corset, those comments make me just as angry, angry is not the word, I don’t know what words to use right now, I’m so emotional about this case. The lawyer saying the following:
** “Little Nixzmary Brown was quite a feisty youngster for whatever reason.”
** “She was like a little Houdini trying to get out. She was feisty, spiky and funky.”
** He admitted Rodriguez slapped, spanked and whipped Nixzmary with a belt, but “he didn’t do it with the intent to hurt her.
to me means he was just as sick minded as Cesar, clearly he is only doing it for the money. But you’ll always have people defending psychos. I really wonder how Mr. Jeffrey feels after defending a man who brutalized a young child and then goes home to his own kids, not a morsel of guilt???
Corset I can’t forget this case, this girl is on my mind, her pain, her suffering, the torture she endured on her tiny body and the fact that not one person tried to help her, Cesar even had her own siblings turned against her. I can not imagine the despair she endured for so long, the physical and emotional pain, she probably gave up after a certain point because she knew that her cries would not get her anywhere.
Here’s a poem for Nixzmary:
Sleep little child,
the world is resting,
butterflies and silver dust,
surround your face with delight.
You say you aren’t tired
but yet you rub your eyes little one
asking for a drink of water
to go to bed with
Should you have been mine,
you would have lived that life
Should you have been mine
you would have had a mother to love you
Your eyes are slowly closing,
as the last protest slips through your lips
saying “please don’t leave me mommy”
and tears fall down my cheeks
I watch you as you drift into
a peaceful slumber,
smiling as you dream
perhaps an occasional giggle
Be at peace, my child
No more pain, no more sorrow
let me wrap you in love my child
and I will see you tomorrow.
Now a letter:
Dear Nixzmary….
I’m sorry that you had to endure what you did in your short but tragic life.
I so wish that I could turn back the hands of time and prevent you from ever experiencing the pain, the hurt, wiped away your tears…
You are a true angel now, in every sense of the word.
Motherof3
sorry…I had to write this down…
such a beautiful child to live a desolate life.
momof3, what a touching poem. i feel the same way you do (what you wrote in your letter). cry many tears for these children as i try to imagine the emotional and physical pain they endured that nobody should have to go through in their entire life span, much less in such a short amount of time. very painful as a mother when you see your children every day and you know that pretty much besides the basic necessities, the most important thing to children is that they are loved…. not that they got the latest XBox or have the coolest backpack… to me the single most important factor for a child’s emotional well being is being and feeling loved and treasured, as every children deserves. that is the bare minimum a parent can pass on to their child.
I spent a lot of time reading the information about this on the myspace page. Cesar Rodriguez is a POS that deserves to die and Nixzaliz Santiago needs her ass beat for allowing this psycho to torture her children. \
After reading the information in the article above, the fact that Cesar tried to justify his beating and killing of Nixzmary made me sick to my stomach. The one thing I would like to ask him is, “Since you seem to have an answer for everything else, can you please tell us your justification for sexually abusing and molesting a seven year old little girl?” Knowing this bastard, he probably has some excuse for this also.
It would seem that he probably also sexually abused the other little girl since they wanted to spare one of the children from testifying against him about the sexual abuse that occured. I could be wrong about that, and I really hope that I am. I wish that they had been able to prosecute him for the sexual abuse charges so that he would have to register on the sex offender registry when he gets out of prison. It’s mind boggling to me that he only got 29 years, but that he will also be able to walk the streets without having to be a registered sex offender. This is a scary thought because any child that comes into contact with this man in the future is in danger of being molested, raped, beaten, tortured, & killed.
My condolences go out to the children and family! RIP Nixzmary!!
I hope those two cockroaches are tortured by demons for all eternity.
Worse – I hope that they are tossed into a pit and starve, but the mercy that death brings is not available in hell, so just when it gets unbearable, just when the pain becomes too much not even the Angel of Death will be available to put them out of their misery…
The Bible describes the thirst that the people in hell will face…
Nixzmary Brown will always have a place in my heart. From the first time I heard her story it broke my heart, and this is one story that makes me realize i’m not as jaded as i’d like to think. Poor Nixzmary, she didn’t have a chance. I remember there was speculation that the mother allowed this to continue because she was jealous of Nixzmary. Not only was the child 7 and already gorgeous, but on top of that, Cesar was supposedly raping her. I don’t remember if there was ever proof or not, but I remember hearing that Nixzaliz was jealous. sick bitch. I hope they both get brutally murdered in jail, na, matter fact, i just hope they are abused every day of there pathetic worthless lives.
RIP Nixzmary- Little Angel… you were obviously too good for this earth.
UPDATE 07-07-2009 – ADDED LINK TO NIXZMARY BROWN’S AUTOPSY PHOTOGRAPHS
These pictures just made me 10 times more enraged about this case. I realize the child was kept out of school, but are you telling me that nobody visited the house in all this time the abuse was taking place? They only had to take a glance at her to realize she was being severely abused and was clearly malnourished. I wonder just how many people turned the other way. They should all rot in hell for this, every single person who let this girl down and made her live a life of torture. I would have kidnapped her if I had to, in order to keep her safe. Can’t even comment on the mother right now b/c there are no words.
This fucker used her as a punching bag and God knows what else, there are bruises on every inch of her body, and what happened to her neck, and black eyes, he punched her flat out in the face? I am so sickened and angry.
(quote – what happened to her neck, and black eyes, he punched her flat out in the face? I am so sickened and angry)
I read somewhere Cesar was dunking her head repeatedly under the tubs faucet and hit her head on the spicket every time her pulled her head back..I think that maybe where the neck bruises came from.. When I regain my composure I will try to find out.
I dunno but it’s despicable to say the least.
I just looked at the autopsy photos…
I’m the first to admit that my daughter, around the same age frustrates the heck out of me sometimes, like this morning… but:
WHY WHY WHY AND HOW can you do that to a small child? THEY GROW UP EVENTUALLY… =(
Just looked at the photos. Heartbreaking, to say the least.
“He said that she recently admitted to burning his 6-month-old son, Gabriel, with a cigarette lighter. Mr. Rodriguez recalled beating her for it and asking her, ‘How could you do this to a helpless little child?’ ”
I would really like to beat the holy hell out of Cesar Rodriguez and ask him the same exact question.
My guess is that HE burned the little boy and blamed it on her to justify the burn to cover his ass and because she was dead and couldn’t defend herself.
He probably told Nixzaliz the same for the same reasons.
Since this post has been on here I have spent days doing nothing but reading about this case, and I am horrified despite my training (going into my fourth year as a Justice Major with an emphasis on Victims).
My understanding is that they did a rape kit on her post-mortem and found evidence of oral (at least) sodomy. Why they didn’t charge him for it I will never know since they did all that DNA work on all the other items.
I really respect Dovesblood for the work she has done to bring this case to light and the fact that she advocates for Nixzmary as if it WERE her child. (She is the one that did the myspace and another site where she chronicled the trials).
I have a lot to say about this case and my words seem so weak.
If I had a chance to have helped this child I would have given anything to do just that.
More to come. . .
My hats off to Dovesblood, that is where I found the links that lead me to those photos as well as a wealth of information on Nixamary.
hats to you as well for choosing such a difficult field of study.
I was starting classes required to get into social work because I wanted to get in to child protective services but when I started to learn so much about the under belly I basically just withdrew..I couldn’t believe how hard it is to get a child like her out of the clutches of monsters and that I know in my heart I can’t live with.
This just never should have happened.
Wow….Im a 28 year old man & read this kinna stuff all the time but this one made me cry
Max thank you so much for your kind words about me and my website. I really was surprised and flattered when I read what you wrote, I am truly grateful. The weblink on my name here goes to my home page which is basically the same as your link to my GTS page. I put the information there then make memorial on there other. just to clear any discrepancies they are both me and thank you again for the compliment.
When I stumbled on those pictures I thought “could that really be Nixamary??” I was so horrified I looked at her story again and really hoped it wasn’t her but it all matched..the marks on her ankle’s, blackened eyes, scab on her chin, the gash on her forehead, etc.. I then just sat and cried for a very long time. I can hear “Mommy, mommy, don’t leave me.” over and over in my head.
Her Mother seen her and left her for two hour on the floor cold and naked before bothering to come back. when she returned she haphazardly clothed and bathed her and little Nixamary begged her to stay but she went to bed with that creep Cesar instead of comforting her dying child.
There is no doubt in my mind that Nixamary looked just as she did in those autopsy photos when she left her there cold and shivering. What kind of monster could look at her and hear her say “Mommy please don’t leave me” and simply go her own bed to sleep?
This story would have enraged me before I was a parent but now that I have a child of my own, the anger I feel and boiling of my blood in my veins, what word and I say? there is no word to describe my inner fury at this woman.
As a Mother how could she not love and protect her little girl? what happened to her basic animal instinct even to protect her young?
Nixamarys cell as it were had nothing but junk and torture devices for her while the other children in the home had fresh clothes and toys to play with; Why was Nixamary singled out for this incomprehensible abuse?
These are the questions in my mind but no matter what the answer could be nothing would justify they’re purely sinister evil deeds put upon this child.
** Mr. Rodriguez said that often after a beating, he would hold her up to a mirror and urge her that it was easier to just behave.
** “I would say: ‘Talk to yourself, how do you feel about yourself now? Do you really want to live like this?’ ” he said. “She would say no.”
He would hold her up to a mirror..my god what must that have been like??..
I am in tears – RIP Nixamary you’ll always be loved.
I always wondered what happened. I live in NYC. I actually met one of the autopsy/clinical guys in a bar right after it happened. He said she was beaten a lot more and raped anally. He seemed genuinely upset I believed him. There wasnt anything romantic between us he honestly seemed shaken up. I wish the guys in prison would torture him. I never forgot this case.
Me and my next younger sister were the scapegoats in my family, we had 3 other little sisters and one brother, we were blamed and punished for everything our little sisters did, they pooped their pants, we would get beat “why did you let them do that” they cried for something “give it to them” we were only a few years older and didnt understand, we were expected to watch and care for them and walked around in fear all the time crapping our own pants when they did something knowing we would get beat for it, but we finally grew up, we would steal food from the kitchen and feed it to them, it may have been stupid food like cherry pie filling or entire blocks of velveeta cheese, when our mom would put on her stupid boots and scream at us you are not worth tits on a boar pig, i wish i would have tied ropes around your necks and thrown you into the ocean when you were born and then she would put on her stupid boots and hot pants and leave to go out for the night, we were happy, we were peaceful, we sat around and laughed and ate and were glad she was gone, dissapointed when she came back. (In our childish minds we thought we could take care of the rest of the kids) eventually there was nothing she could do to stop us, she could beat us with hot wheel tracks but she got tired because we wouldnt cry, we refused to cry even if it hurt, we snuck out of windows at night as we got older, looking for comfort in bad places, my mother eventually got herself together and married some asshole, the others were still young and didnt remember very much, and then forever me and my sister were viewed as the bad ones, we are Nixmary, and still to this day, my sister is my best freind and we remember… we only had each other… i probobly should mention both of us grew up to be where we cant have any type of normal relationship with any man, ( of course we were both also sexually abused by the fuckers my mom had coming in and out of the house) we are cold to men, they threaten us, i am going to leave and we are like OK, we dont care, and they know we really dont care, nothing can hurt us, we have a saying, we use it as a code word, its ironbox, it means my heart is an ironbox, no one can break it, no one can get in… I just recently found this website, i will show my sister… sorry to say all this and Im sure all men arent like this, just reading this reminded me of my own family…
I can look in Nixmarys eyes and see me and my sisters eyes, that confused scapegoat look… I could have been her and she could have been me…