Keith Alan Campbell
Hickory, North Carolina is usually a quiet town. Mountains surrounding, hellish accents like fingernails on a chalkboard, bluegrass playing softly through the valleys, horrific rape. The typical country lifestyle.
Keith Alan Campbell is the atypical countryman. No mullet on his shiny, bald head, over 50 percent of his teeth remaining in his face, and the reflection of fear in his glasses as he carefully carves with his knife. Slice, slice.
Keith Alan Campbell is 41 years old. He lived in a small mobile home in Hickory, North Carolina. And now he’s one of those heart-pounding yellow dots that pop up when you search for sexual predators on Family Watchdog. Why is this, you may ask? The answer can be found around 11:30 Monday night in the Campbell household. But here’s some back-story:
Somehow, some way, this Pillsbury-esque demon managed to wrangle a woman away from the redneck society and claim her as his own. Her name? Nobody knows but Keith himself.
Campbell has spent the majority of his walking hours and a few sleeping that Monday morning drowning his countless sorrows with alcohol, natures mind-number. The reminiscence must have caused Keith to snap at some point that night, as reports from this anonymous victim show that he began to argue with her.
What was the argument about? What terrible past event caused the switch in Campbell’s small reasoning cortex to turn off? The world may never know, but reports suggest that it had something to do with an ex-boyfriend of the aggressed.
The arguments slowly escalated, as most in Hickory typically do, and eventually crossed the line into what some call the “rope stage”. In the rope stage, the most powerful and usually least attractive of the two opposing forces manages to procure some form of rope. Yet, as Isaac Newton stated several hundred years ago: “for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”.
In this case, Campbell got the long end of the rope, and his significant other received the short end of the stick, and found herself bound together at the wrists, unable to move her arms. It is at this point when bad things begin to happen, and this case was no different in the Campbell household.
The warrant for Keith Alan Campbell’s arrest states that he “grabbed the victim out of the chair in which she was sitting, pushed her onto the kitchen counter, and struck her face with his fist”.
Did she deserve to be punched square in the face? Most would typically answer ‘no’, as abuse in any form is morally wrong from most any standpoint in all cultures. Did she deserve to be punched in the face while bound at the wrists and bent painfully over a kitchen counter? Most definitely not. And did this unidentified victim deserve what happened next? Hell no.
Campbell, a modern day William Shakespeare of the spoken word, is quoted as stating the following: “You’re mine. You’re not going anywhere. I’ll kill you before you go back … I own you.”
Fun fact: Some residents of North Carolina and the southeast in general are unaware of the abolition of slavery, which occurred in the mid-to-late 1800’s, and, as a result, still consider some individuals to be “slaves” in their own respect. The more you know!
Campbell wracked his brain for a proper description of the situation as he flipped his victim over and pushed up her shirt, simultaneously grabbing a rusty, dirty kitchen knife from the murky water of the nearby sink. “MINE”, came the brain blast, and the single word was carved with utmost precision into the woman’s stomach. Crude and rude human branding, the newest science to come out of Hickory.
Bleeding and screaming, the woman expected the end to come, but instead found herself blacking out, waking up mid-rape to find herself in some of the most excruciating pain imaginable.
Keith Alan Campbell proceeded to brutally rape the woman, and subsequently passed out. The victim took the opportunity to wriggle free of her restraints, driving herself to the hospital, and calling the police when the hospital attendants found the wounds received from “falling down the stairs” a bit more intentional, and the truth came out.
When Campbell became fully aware of his surroundings, he found himself in a prison cell, facing charges of kidnapping, assault, and first degree rape. He faces several years in jail and fines galore. The victim will never be able to look at her stomach in the mirror again, without the painful, stabbing reminder of the events which occurred on Monday, March 8th, 2010.
Does Keith Alan Campbell deserve Hell?
- Yes (87%, 254 Votes)
- No (13%, 38 Votes)
Total Voters: 292
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118 Comments »
Now I know I hear “Dueling Banjos” All I can say is the woman is lucky that creepy bastard passed out,otherwise I think you would have been writing about a brutal murder instead of a brutal rape. As for this anal discharge he better hope that none of the victims family is in that prison he will living in.
Pure and utter scum. They should castrate this pig and carve “eunoch” on his forehead.
I kept seeing pictures of delieverence in my head while reading…..
I was born 30 minutes from Hickory, lived in Hickory for a time, and can uncomfortably say that people like this, while uncommon, are not rare enough. Hickory’s claim to fame, if anyone is interested is that 60% of the furniture still made in the United States is made along the corridor from Hickory through Thomasville to High Point, North Carolina. Having once had the accent the author describes as hellish, I’d argue that it’s only like nails on a chalkboard when the intelligence behind the accent, matches the character of the slate used to make the board.
This thing appears to have known a few of my relatives, or vice versa, and sober, tends to have been an affable fellow, or at least appeared as one. Without the governor of his sobriety, however, his base instincts seem to have revealed the monster he really is. I hope one of the final charges puts him away forever. With a name like Campbell, and those droopy eyelids, my guess is that he has Scotch-Irish blood, and while I’d defend that there are good people with it–I have a healthy share. There’s an old tendency towards violence, vulgarity and stupidity that this creature has shown is still alarmingly present.
I lament this thing came from anywhere near where I did.
Jason, I was born very close to Hickory too! Still have relatives in Hickory and surrounding area.
Chances are high then that we’re related or you met someone related to me…
Be afraid.
Kidding aside, I still go back from time to time.
How true!!! We may be related!
I go back too, but not often.
My town was Newton; what was yours?
Lenoir….
This story appeared fast.
Anyway caevemen and male apes treat their women better.
I hope that Bubba decides to make this POS his bitch…………..
This is just a case of BDSM gone wrong, this female got in over her head and decided she didn’t want to be a ‘slave’. Im sure most people have no idea of the sexual fantasies or fetishes that are thought up and acted upon. The first time I heard about this ‘rape’ case my first thought was ‘fetish gone wrong’. I read this site all of the time- practically everyday – and I do not think this story should be on here because I really do believe this is just a case of BDSM gone wrong. I guess he does deserve to go to hell just for the simple fact he looks like an asshole.
A passing urban dictionary definition of BDSM proves you are a Troll, a coward, and truly uninformed. My guess? Antonio on a library computer.
Hey now, @Jason- BDSM may be foregin to you, but it is very common in many relationships. Have you ever heard of role playing? using pain and power to create a sexual tension. I think you are the one that is uninformed. Actually, I am passing time on my work computer and my name is not Antonio its Tess. You can call me Tess the Troll lol
The word “Mine” scratched into the belly of someone may be appropriate for someone who villainously abused Justine, but it is neither legal, called for or demonstrably the woman’s fault.
I never mentioned that it was the woman who was at fault. The word “mine” scratched or cut in to the belly of someone may be appropriate for someone who is a ‘slave’ of Mr. Campbell who could very well be a dominate and this female could very well been his submissive. You don’t knnow, I don’t know what really did happen. But what I do know is that you ramble on about furniture made in NC and the ancestorial facial features traits of Mr. Campbell- which make no sense of the fact he might have raped a woman and disfigured her. So please before you make a comment about a particular story, get your head out of your ass and think of all the possibilities that could have lead to this asshole being arrested and charged.
He did rape a woman.
you stated:
How is that not blaming the victim?
You’re a troll and a tool.
How, by reading this story, do you come to the conclusion that “This is just a case of BDSM gone wrong…”?
If this was a consentual act of BDSM- which all BDSM should be consentual, this female might have agreed to act as submissive to Campbell. She might have had second thoughts about the whole ‘mine’ act and cried rape. Being a woman- myself, I would like to think that if I was raped and the stupid motherfucker passed out afterwards- I would kill him and then I would drive myself to the hospital and seek treatment or call 911.
First you say it is a case of BDSM gone wrong, then you say “if” it was…what i’m trying to understand is how you read this story and then come to the conclusion that it IS BDSM and then say IF it was BDSM…
I’m trying to figure out how you’re connecting the dots from the story above to BDSM at all…especially since she was raped, punched, and carved like a pumpkin by this sick fuck. There was no mention of anything like what you are talking about in this article. Could it be a possibility? Maybe. How you get to that conclusion after reading what this woman went through? Who the hell knows.
But now I’ve come to my own conclusion…I don’t want to understand you because then I’d feel straight out stupid. I need to go pop a few more happy pills after dealing with you.
It’s not BDSM if it’s not consensual. There’s no gray area.
Do you even know what “BDSM” stands for? From *gag* Wikipedia (because it’s dumbed down for ya):
“BDSM is a form of consensual roleplay between two or more individuals, who use their experiences of pain and power to create sexual tension, pleasure, and release. The compound acronym, BDSM, is derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D, B/D, or BD), dominance and submission (D&s, D/s, or Ds), sadism and masochism (S&M, S/M, or SM).”
There must be at least one ‘dominant’ and at least one ‘submissive’. BDSM is non-violent, the participants are not left traumatized. ‘Psycho’ and ‘Victim’ is not BDSM, and that’s what we have in this case.
If you’re going to take a stand like this Tess, please do your research beforehand. Claiming something like this might be BDSM is like saying all transvestites are gay men. Generalizations like that really do harm people in fringe lifestyles – it’s tough enough to be allowed to live a good life when what makes it ‘good’ to you makes other people feel they have the right to shoot arrows at you, no matter how discreet you are. Everyone has a right to happiness, whatever ‘happiness’ means to the individual, so long as it effects no unwilling parties.
Just to nip off any awkward questions, no, this is not my lifestyle. I have a lot of really amazing, talented friends who live on the fringe in various ways. Life would be too boring if everyone was the same!
I must agree with everything you said.
I am personally quite familiar with the bdsm lifestyle, and this story had absolutely nothing to do with it, from the beginning to the end. This guy was assaulting and raping this lady, and probably would have killed her if she had not escaped.
By the way, I speak with a southern accent, and not once has it ever been considered “hellish”. It has been called “gentle and flowing” instead. As for the “slavery” concept and I quote:
“Fun fact: Some residents of North Carolina and the southeast in general are unaware of the abolition of slavery, which occurred in the mid-to-late 1800’s, and, as a result, still consider some individuals to be “slaves” in their own respect. The more you know!”,
I found the folks when I lived in the North to be twice as racist as the southerners. I even lived in a town where african americans were not allowed. Was it really necessary to say such a thing in this story? You insult a great many people without reason.
I too am familiar with the “lifestyle” and their are people who like edge play, but the minute a safety word is uttered or there is ANY indication the sub wants out and is not listened to, the scene becomes something else all together.
crap I just re read my response and I must correct my spelling! I meant THERE not THEIR in the post above!!
Wasn’t this POS charged with kidnapping????
If this was BDSM gone wrong, then the kidnapping charge would not stick because the act generating the charge would have been consentual……..
He was charged with kidnapping, but if your going to press charges of being raped- BY YOUR BOYFRIEND- which she clearly stated to police. Then your not going to say ‘yes officer I gave this POS boyfriend permission to rape me and cut me’.
I’m curious Tess, Are you related to Mr. Campbell in some way? Is he a friend of yours? Sorry, but I’m trying to understand why a woman would take the position you have. You say when you first read about this case, the first thing you thought it was a case of bondage or domination gone bad. I had to do a double take there, because the first thing I thought when I read this article was that here’s a guy who was showing his woman who’s boss, in the strongest possible terms. Kudos to the victim – yes Tess, she’s a victim – for reporting this scumbag, or her life would have been a living hell for as long as he chose to keep her around.
Yes, I’m making some assumptions, but my assumptions are inline with the facts that are available. They had an argument about an former boyfriend of the victim (there’s that word again Tess). This rape was all about power, sex was secondary. That’s why he carved “Mine” on her stomach, to show his complete domination of her.
Your theory, on the other hand, seems to have come straight out of left field. I can see why Jason believes you are a troll (FYI trolls make idiotic comments for the sake of getting a reaction), but I think there’s possibility that you might have been serious. That’s not a good thing for you Tess. Did you do a lot of drugs recently? I’m asking because it take a really twisted thinking process to come up with the scenario you did.
I suggest you go find a quiet place and thank about everything that’s been said here. Look to your life Tess, look to your life.
:>)
If indeed the whole incident started with a fight over an ex boyfriend you can be assured that this was NOT BDSM!! A true mature Dom. would NEVER be jealous over an ex,period!!
Are you trying to say a woman can’t be raped BY HER BOYFRIEND? Are you saying a woman who’s in a committed relationship no longer has a choice to say ‘no’? Women who are married have that choice, so all women have that choice. “NO” is the same word to a boyfriend or husband as it is to any stranger.
Jason’s right. You’re a troll and a tool.
I hope the new site design has a ToS that allows behavior like that presented by Antonio to be “punished” with a letter to their ISP’s. ISP’s hate pedophiles. They hate getting letters mailed to them about pedophiles. They do enjoy sending service termination letters, so that the 14-26 year olds living with their mothers lose their internet and have to explain to their parents what trolling is, and why they’d lie on the internet and get the cable turned off forever.
Tess is just being stupid. Antonio was the one I wish I’d been a little more aware of while it was going on. That would have been pleasant having him permanently booted from the internet.
Antonio needs to be set on fire. Tess is a simple fool. Antonio was sick and dangerous.
I like Tess she comes out with the same stupid kind of shit I would say.
Damn you, Stormy! Every time I momentarily dislike you, you make me wuv you. LOL!!!!
She must not “know” anyone close to her, that has ever been a victim of rape…………Or any other violent crime, for that matter.
Amazing that somebody, could TRY to make excuses for a violent offender……………There must be some relation there.
BDSM???? My ass!!!!!!!!
A friend of mine runs an LA based BDSM dungeon. He tells me that if the victim is truly a sexual slave, there will be some sort of formal contract between the two of them which would state quite clearly and explicitly what is expected of both parties. There would be an established safe word, and if he failed to heed it, the contract would be considered void. BDSM is all about trust between participants. Once that’s gone, the relationship usually doesn’t continue.
If your theory is correct, he will bring this contract into the legal proceedings. It’s not actually legally binding of course, but it would prove they were in a consensual BDSM relationship which could have gone wrong, and his culpability might be reduced.
This type of ‘marking’ is not the norm in the BDSM community. Injuries are, but they’re superficial and enjoyed by the ‘slave’ and not considered a form of abuse.
For the record, I think you’re wrong, Tess. So does my friend. He says that claims like yours are what keep the public from accepting BDSM, which is way more popular than most people think. He asked me to politely ask you to shut the hell up.
I second that.
All of these things are true, especially the contract. Trust is the ultimate key, and no matter in what scenario, no means no.
There was no trust here.
“There would be an established safe word, and if he failed to heed it, the contract would be considered void.”
Yes. As soon as the “BDSM gone wrong” theory was mentioned that was the first thing I thought of. If someone enjoys role-playing or rough sex of any kind that does not automatically make them another person’s unwilling fuck-toy to be used at their whim.
The second thing- It doesn’t matter if the victim here was having consensual sex with her boyfriend, husband, secret lover, uncle, next-door neighbor or the Pope. When she uttered the first “No!”, the first “Stop!”, “Quit it!”, etc. it went from being consensual sex to forcible rape. Being in a relationship doesn’t give anyone a free pass to sexually abuse their partner.
I can’t begin to tell you how much it disgusts me when I see someone who just doesn’t get that.
“No!” “Stop!” and “Don’t!” are often shouted during BDSM play. It’s part of the fantasy. That’s where the safe word comes in. You don’t often hear someone shout “Pomegranate!” during any sort of sex, so that would be a good Safeword to tell you when you really do need to stop and the ‘slave’ means it.
I thought it went “no! Don’t! Stop!”
Apples is my safe word…..oh you weren’t asking for that…oops my bad..lol
The only way this guy would have survived, had it been me, is if he had a gun. Even with hands tied back, I would have bit his jugular out. Justice won’t be served until he too is raped. Luckily, once he get’s to prison he most likely will be. Yahoo! Shame on you Tess for even suggesting that there’s ever a situation when a woman’s refusal can be rightly ignored. Shame, shame, shame on you…..HO.
What a fucking douche…
I’m happy that my writing has caused such an uproar. It’s good to be a part of PYSIH. :)
Boooooo that there was something to write about, but you did a damn good job! YAY YOU! :D
I definitely liked your story Human. You show a real knack for this kind of writing, and your sense of humor is just twisted enough for this bunch of degenerates (with me as the head degenerate, of course).
Hope you don’t mind that I added the video. As editor I like to do my part to make the stories look as good as possible. I may add a link or two to documents I find online that support your story, like court records and arrest reports, but I promise I’ll never make any changes to the text of your story – why would I want to mess with anything as good as this story was anyways?
Thanks!
And the video was the perfect touch to the story. Thanks for adding it in there.
By the way, that’s a very big pink head on a very bright blue background with a very neon green shirt. The monster is dayglo, no wonder he freaked out…
Badly written and annoying article. Please vet your authors in a more appropriate manner. The stupid jokes and swipes at the south made the article almost unreadable. No wonder this site is in decline. We just want the facts, presented in a coherent and readable manner.
If that’s the case, check out Google News. You’re the only complaint thus far.
Sorry Human, but I have to agree with Mike. This article was really hard to read for me as well.
Fair enough. I’ll try my hardest to make the next one clear. Next time, Mike, try being a bit more civil, instead of a douchebag, to the new guy. Cool?
I also agree with Mike, and I see no reason to call him “douche bag”. He was merely stating his critique.
You’re awesome Human, Mike’s a douche bag and SL is the vinager and water. Screw ‘em both…..that’s my ‘critique’, and sod off SL if you don’t like it! *raspberry*
Yeah Steph is right
I dug the article and the utterly bizarre way it was written in……I think it adds diversity to this site with Max’s heartfelt indignant articles, Admin’s funny articles I think that your article falls in nicely and totally gives the site a new flavour.
Also Lantern’s story was totally awesome in a cold case kind of way……Things are looking up for PYSIH with such varied writers it makes less of a one tone site
Human very good job of a write up on this case. I have lived all over the south and have found good solid friendly people. But I have also found mullet wearing, confederat flag wavin, coors drinking shitstains in the south.
Racisism? Please there is none. All it really is is fear. Nothing more. I see blacks hating whites. I see white hating freaking every body. I see blacks demanding their own nation i see whites wanting to live a good decient life and raise their kids right.
So if you don’t like the article becasue of the digs on the south. Suck it. Your problem. Everyone has an opinion. I consider the south eas the land that time ignored.
Human DO NOT apologize for taking a chance at writing! I do not ever remember seeing either of your detractors with a story of their own writing here! I liked your story! felt that it was well written, perfectly understandable and funny! Keep it up!
Who is this “WE” you are speaking for? And where does it state the site is in decline? If you’ve been reading PYSIH long enough to represent a ‘WE”, surely you know we require data to back such accusations.
THE SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN! Sit down and finish your Natty, Mike.
VC, Mike is funny trying to lump this group under “we”!
Sorry Mike, but I totally disagree. I thought Human’s write up was witty, biting, and brilliant. Most Southerns I know have the ability to laugh at their culture, while taking great pride in it too. I thought Human’s comments were very tongue in cheek.
Keith Alan seems to epitomize the worst qualities of a Southerner. Is he representative of ALL Southerners? Hell no!! But, his behavior is not a complete anomaly either.
Mike, Lighten up and enjoy Life a bit.
Human, loved the article! keep writing!!!
Mike, you’re a good example of the usual critic we get around here. Don’t get me wrong, we have people who give sincere, honest negative opinions, but you just got your feelings hurt so you decided to tear down Human’s entire article as pay back.
Try being honest with yourself next time before you decide to slam someone’s hard work. I’ll bet if Human had a few jokes about, say, the Amish, instead you would have had a good laugh along with the rest of us. Welcome to the club where everyone’s a critic, but no one wants to stick their neck out and write one of these articles themselves.
Max, please check Southern Lady, Mike and Inked_Hippie’s IP addresses when you get a chance.
They’re all different people Jason – Southern Lady is a regular here aamof, and a good person too. I’ll vouch for her – I know for a fact she was being sincere. I checked out the other two, and there posting from different parts of the country. Barring certain circumstances, they aren’t the same guy.
Thanks, I just have a feeling there’s this one major spammer who keeps circling around.
Wow, I wasn’t going to bother replying but I really cant allow these idiotic comments to go unanswered. First off all I live in NY and Im originally born in Europe. I have no connections with the south what so ever. My criticism of this article is based on the fact that it is not funny (I pity those with the type of mentality who would find this drivel funny), its badly written and is close to unreadable. Compare this article to the previous one by Lantern which is of far better quality.
I will accept the challenge and submit an article. I should expect some criticism and will treat the author of such with respect. Isn’t that the American way?
I was born in Europe too! Yah fer us! We can look down our snotty noses at the unwashed, uneducated masses here right? Die slowly, fast violenty I gives a fuck Just go to the nearest very tall building go to the roof and jump.
Guy I live in Germany. I have been since 94. I see yer type every fucking day. “Oh you Americans have no sense of humor” “Oh you americans are so badly educated” “You Americans are so stupid”
Mikey you can suck my American, under-educated no sense of humor cock. My daughter is in Europe’s “educational” system right now. Can you say “sucks big hairy ass”? Being a Euro I am very sure you know that phrase very fucking well. Might have even tried it a few times in Amsterdam right? Nudge nudge.
Mulch, sometimes… you rock. :) *HUG*
Hehe. “Sometimes”. I’m so mean. :D
Thanks Mulch! For defending the poor stupid American masses!
Mike, if you dislike American culture(including our humor) what the hell are you doing here? Are you French? Maybe Belgian? You just say Europe, I have traveled extensively all over Europe and found most to be warm, friendly and funny! (Imagine a dumb hick from Texas understanding “European humor” which is vastly different depending on the country you are in!)
So Mikey take the stick out of your ass plop that same ass down on a plane seat and hit the friendly skies…you will not be missed!
Please submit an article. Make sure it’s dry and boring with just the facts so no one feels threatened. Make sure to leave your reader unable to stop crying by spelling out all of the details with no room for breathing. Don’t leave anything to the imagination, please. Please be sure it’s not too long – Americans don’t have much of an attention span, ya know.
Most Europeans I know (and I know quite a few) are good and kind people who are just as quick to discount and make fun of stereotypes as I am. Most have a healthy, progressive understanding of emotions and their various meanings and effects. To paraphrase myself, “most Europeans” doesn’t necessarily apply to you.
Good for you Mike – I respect the hell out of that. I guarantee I’ll give it just as much attention to detail as I’d give any other story. If you have any questions, you can contact me at editorpysih@comcast.net – you can also submit the story there. I also need you to register on the site and send me your password, username and whatever email address you use to register, so I can add you to our writer database, otherwise your name won’t appear at the bottom of the story.
Mike, in your very first post, and then in the second paragraph of this post, you sound just like Comic Book Guy.
HA!!!!
Have to disagree, Mike. I understood everything Human wrote and not once did I find it “annoying”. I happen to enjoy the “stupid jokes and swipes” as they happen to make a little light out of a horrible situation. Have you ever been on this site before???? If you have, you would know that’s pretty much how most articles are written. And where have you seen that this site is in decline??? Are you just talking out of your ass or what’s your deal? And what do you mean “we want the facts, presented in a coherent and readable manner”? Please don’t take it upon yourself to speak for me or anyone else on this site. You’re probably going to piss some people off, as you can see. You are entitled to your opinion as are all of us, however, you don’t need to come on here bashing Human. Human – great job on your first write up! If you were a true fan of this site, you’d know how these articles are written and what the site is all about. Honestly, I’ve been on this site for quite some time and do not recall seeing you or any other of these guys bashing Human on here before. You all need to get a life and we will go on enjoying the “stupid jokes and swipes” as we always do.
Now, shut the fuck up.
I don’t know what this says about me, but the most upsetting part is the misconstrued concept/vision you people have of NC residents. Deliverance is about West Virgina AND most people from NC have decent accents. At least we don’t say “I’m gonna go drive my cah downtown.” CAH? There is no H in CAR! I’ll admit *some* NCers are illiterate and and uneducated (okay, most are but I’m defending my home state here). Wait.. what am I saying here?! Everyone from every state sucks. The end.
I live in North Carolina, have lived here for almost ten years, and currently go to college here. Not to mention that I live in Cherokee County (the most redneck of them all, mind you). I wouldn’t bash a state unless I had personal experience. ;)
That, and most of The Deliverance was filmed mostly in the Ocoee area. I used to go there all the time, as it was 25 miles from my home, and still is. Yet with the rockslide, I’m kind of fucked as far as travel in that direction.
I am more uncomfortable with the dressing-down Human is receiving by the posters who have never submitted anything to PYSIH than I could possibly be by anything in his article. I feel he ‘humor’ is more of an expression of outrage than actual funny ha-ha.
I don’t know if any of the preceding paragraph is intelligible, but heck, I’m tired and I have cotton mouth.
This website is a lot about dark humor. It’s a coping mechanism. I haven’t written anything for PYSIH because my coping humor is something most sane people can’t relate to. ;)
“Most southerners” doesn’t necessarily apply to you, just like “Most stoned metalheads’ doesn’t necessarily apply to me. Try not to take anything personally, especially if you’re Australian! WOOOO!
this was well written
if you want an example of one poorly written then you should check out the one I wrote on Crummel
but see I blame the authorites for that one- they made something that could have been so easy so complicated so it was more convenient for me to write it that way- otherwise it would have been three times as long- better to make people read it twice
I hope he dies.
I’m from North Carolina and making fun of our accents and basically calling us rednecks is unacceptable. Most of us are nice, educated, normal people. You have no idea what it is like here, so next time tell the story and leave out the offensive stereotypes.
Hi Amy!! I’m from Nebraska.
Not only do I have a Constitutional right to make fun of your accent, I have a moral obligation to.
And I think I do know what the people of North Carolina are like. I find it hard to believe that I’m stereotyping when I say that all people from North Carolina are moonshine-swilling, rascist in-breds and hillbillies.
Long Live the Confederacy!!!! Yee-Haaaaaaa!!!
If you are having trouble with some of these big words, maybe you can find somebody from Tennesee to help you – mebbe he kin draw you up a pitcher-story.
As I said before, I’m from Lenoir, North Carolina, about 30 minutes away from where this happened. When I was young, we drove to Hickory to see movies that wouldn’t play in the Westgate or Center theater. Hickory was the big city….
Given that I have swilled moonshine, had relatives on both sides of the uniform during the civil war, and because I know my North Carolina history and know that North Carolina was the only state in the union to answer both the Federal and Confederate levy with their full allotment of soldiers (the federals turned the North Carolinians away), I feel confident in saying all Nebraskans are shit kickers who couldn’t survive without federal corn subsidies, are lazy, and haven’t had good basketball teams since the ACC was founded. They had to ban the 4 corner defense because Nebraska had their feelings hurt, and blacks wouldn’t have played in Basketball, had Nebraska been polled for a national sentiment. The only time anyone from Nebraska can ever say they’re better or in some way in front of North Carolina, is when States are listed in alphabetical order.
Additionally, corn-huskers and corn-husking, actually refers to a sexual practice all Nebraskans participate in. It usually requires a doctor’s visit for Nebraskan men to impregnate Nebraskan women, so most Nebraskan women serve as hookers in South Dakota during their fertile seasons. During this time, South Dakota’s average IQ drops into negative numbers.
Yeee-haw…..
Whoa – that explains a lot.
As a side note, I am not offended, I am merely continuing this playfully.
As a second side note, Nebraska attempted to make their State Anthem “Old MacDonald had a farm,” but they couldn’t convince more than four Nebraskans that E, I, and O were actually letters in the alphabet, and thus the final line of the chorus were for naught.
Jason, my nose is sticky on the inside and it’s all your fault. Cowbell cannot fix this. Once again I have douched my sinuses with coffee while reading one of your posts. I hope you’re proud of yourself.
Where is my damned neti pot when I need it?
The first step is admitting you have a drinking problem.
The second step is getting a napkin.
Step 5 is profit, I think….
You’re so above average
To the human moron. There is no better quote than “Ignorance is like a gold tooth, if you don’t open your mouth no one knows you have it”. I absolutely agree it is horrific want happened. I have known Keith for quite some time. I can say he did have lots of problems but I am totally shocked at the allegations. You seem to be one of these typical alarmist that just jumps right in and believes everything the pathetic news media says. Hickory is a great little town that has its share of troubles just like anytown USA, but I guess you live in some “Ferry Land” where all is bliss and every one lives happily ever after. Either way it certainly isn’t for you or I to judge without all the facts and in the end what goes around always comes around, God will see to that. I wasn’t there and neither were you, there are some questions as to what exactly happend and although either way it is terrible she did not require any stitches so I think the term carving as some people have stated is a little over stated, but people love to sensationalize and make a better story.
Sure, God might see to Keith’s punishment. I see nothing wrong with the people submitting their recommendation to God, seeing as how we are the ones who were directly trespassed against.
It is not for you to tell us it’s wrong to judge, only God can tell us it’s wrong to judge. STOP TRYING TO PLAY GOD, BRENT!
No need to yell. It’s all good.
DON’T YOU JUDGE ME!!!!
;)
Don’t really see the judgement in that statement. You ever try decaf!
What’s the point of decaf? Ever try near-beer? Same concept. Pffft. Decaf. HEATHEN!
I had to admit that I was powerless over caffeine and my life had become unmanageable…… oh bull*#@$, I really don’t see the purpose in decaf either.
Yes I realize I used the wrong spelling of “Ferry”, ya’ll know how us mountain town folks are. That is if Hickory was actually a mountain town. Apparently human has a hard time with geography also. “Hey you lookin mighty good in them jeans boy”.
I just assumed you were a St. Stephens graduate.
To the specific problems hickory has:
1. High unemployment
2. Bad sports teams
3. High dropout rate
4. Meth problems
5. Charter Cable (more a zinger for a friend who works for them)
6. 3 streets named 20th street that do not intersect or have anything to do with one another, and are delineated by NE, SW, and NW. As a matter of fact, streets named after numbers in Hickory don’t really follow a reasonable naming system.
7. Empty real estate
Acctually HHS but what’s the difference when it really comes down to it. Hey we love our streets we have a song about Hickory “You can’t get there from here”, seriously. Charter does suck, not really sure about the plural use of sports teams, we just have the one foreign baseball team, other than school teams and some league stuff. Other than that don’t think Lenoir qualifies much better. Loved your Nebraska commentary. It’s all in fun.
I was including your American Legion and Lyons teams. I enjoyed the one Crawdads game I went to, even if they did lose, by the second inning.
I know Lenoir’s got its problems (76 Baptist churches for a town of 27,000 people? really?).
I attended H.M. Ardnt Middle School for a few months, so St. Stephens was close to my gizzard.
I know we’re getting off track here, but can that many people get on the back row.
*grabs bat* WHERE’S THIS BITCH I’MA FUCK HIS FACE UP!
…wait, looks like someone already beat me to it. Was it you, Max? You’re always one step ahead of me.
Who me? What did I do now?
To human, in all seriouness, I have to apologize for the name calling earlier. I realize that this is a dark humor site. That one just hit home real quick, sometimes things hit you different ways when you actually know the person and I can honestly say for those of us that know Keith we would have never thought this of him whether all the reports are true or not. By the way it wasn”t a mobile home he lived in it was a very quaint asbestos siding house.
Firstly…Blah Blah Blah…and secondly….
“when you actually know the person and I can honestly say for those of us that know Keith we would have never thought this of him whether all the reports are true or not”
care factor???
Firstly???? We could start a whole new thread on whether that is even a word. Is firstly a word? Well, sure, it’s in the dictionary. But if “first” can be used as an adverb, why the heck would you need or want to slap an –ly suffix on it? Spare your fingers the extra keystrokes, your mouth the extra syllable, and your audience the clunkiness of “firstLY
HEY!!! Back off Janey, she’s Australian…and they talk funny. -P LOL…Kidding! (a little) Love ya, Janey….Seriously though, Bent Brent, back off Janey. ;)
Okey dokey
=) Welcome, Brent….you’re actually funny as hell!!
Thank you!! I’ll be here all week:) No seriouly, great to be here.
FirstLY……My apologies
FirstLY……FirstLY…FirstLY…..sorry coudn’t help myself…lol..I have been reading your posts and for now I think your ok…*smirk*…(and yes that’s Aussie humor)…lol
Gotta love the aussie’s:)
Brent, I second Steph’s assessment. You’re pretty darned cool. :)
It’s really tough to reconcile someone like the Kieth you know with the one we kinda know. I know someone, never really a friend but I knew her for years, who suffocated her two young boys and proceeded to stab her husband 97 times with a samurai sword until he died. It’s horrifying to know someone like that is in your sphere. I truly feel for you.
Sometimes we know monsters who disguise themselves as humans. It makes us question our ability to tell good from bad, but it really shouldn’t. You never knew him behind closed doors like his victim did.
Thank you for being a well-grounded, sane person, Brent. I wish more people in your position had your attitude.
Thanks, you’re pretty witty yourself as is most everyone else here. You know I stumbled on this site by accident. Sure beats the hell out of FB. I was looking for a picture of Keith to show someone who thought they knew him but wasn’t sure, found this site and it was giving the ole home town a hard time. So with “Contempt prior to Investigation” I jumped right in the defensive mode. Then as I started reading I realized what was going on and I really enjoy this site. With that being said you just never know who you’re dealing with or who is living next door to you. Just look at the Jeffrey Dahmers, the John Wayne Gacys that live right next door with things going on right under our nose and we don’t see it. You hear it almost every time it happens. “He was such a nice guy” I said it myself earlier. I’m sure you never in a million years thought your friend could commit the act you spoke of. I will admit the mug shot of Keith absolutely looks like someone I would not want to meet in a dark alley. Of course mug shots at the police station with a major hangover are probably not going to show your best side any way. We’re not talking “Glamour Shots” here. Of course if you ever see my ID picture you’d think it belonged on the post office wall. I guess it’s like mom always says “In God We Trust” all others pay cash. I don’t know it just seemed like the right thing to say. 97 times? OUCH
God I love this site!! When I am in a foul mood I come here and laugh! This is such a wonderful dysfunctional family!! Please do not get me wrong I do not laugh at the horrors I read about!! Never that!
me to my friend, me tooooooo lol….if I’m having a really really bad day I know I can come read the posts which make me smile at some of the wanka’s responses, I’m with you tho, I also don’t laugh at the horrors.
hugs Janey!!
dys what? Hey my parents were married. That much I can prove easy enough. No need to get that low…..
Hear up where it belongs. When I have a bad day I normally go find some bonehead and ask him if Hitler really does suck a mean dick. the look does in fact pick me up.
I am going with Southern Lady on this one… unfortunately psych and sociopaths do not recognize the Mason-Dixon line and you can find them everywhere. The story would have been just fine without the Southern bashing. Perhaps you will consier this in your “walking” hours.
unfortunately I knew this SOB. Ive seen him hit his former girlfriend before this one and I know he capable of doing this. he deserves everything he gets he is out on bond right now and i cant find anything more about his case or when it goes to trail. can anyone help.