People You’ll See In Hell

Hey, do you remember Mark Goudeau, the serial killer who was found guilty of raping and killing those women in Maricopa County?

Well, it looks like Mark Goudeau and 38-year-old Trent Christopher Benson, pictured here to the left with a delicious cup of coffee in a decorative Warner Brothers mug, had something else in common other than the county that they lived in.

They both liked to kill and rape.

And really, who doesn’t? Come on, you know you want to live the life of a viking.

This fine gentleman here is 63-year-old Obie Robinson.

Doesn’t he look sad?

Obie Robinson is a grandfather.

Like most grandfathers, Obie Robinson will do just about anything for his grandchildren.

On the 13th of May, 2008, Obie Robinson got a call from his 19-year-old granddaughter. She needed a ride to visit her boyfriend, who lived a few towns over.

Good ol’ Obie Robinson told the dear girl that he’d be right over to pick her up.

37-year-old Guadalupe Gutierrez is yet another illegal immigrant doing a job that Americans just won’t do.

After entering the country illegally, Guadalupe Gutierrez-Juarez, who has undoubtedly been upset with his silly, silly name for some time, set out to make himself a new life here in the States.

And, like many illegal immigrants here in the States, Guadalupe Gutierrez-Juarez succeeded in making himself a new life.

Sadly, Guadalupe Gutierrez chose a 10-year-old girl to make himself a new life with.

This is 38-year-old Robert Jason Burdick.

Up until the 1st of May, 2008, Robert Burdick has had two separate lives.

The first of those lives wasn’t bad. An entrepreneur, Robert Burdick had recently started his own company, WB Technologies, which appears to specialize in home and business security systems. As you’d expect with someone whose profession involved securing people’s homes, Robert Burdick had no criminal record, other than speeding tickets.

Raised in a Christian household by two loving adoptive parents, Robert Burdick’s former girlfriend Gretchen Glaize has nothing but glowing reviews of her former paramour:

This is 25-year-old Derrick Vaughn Nielsen.

Derrick Nielsen likes a little rape with his pizza.

Late at night on the 26th of April, 2008, Derrick Nielsen ordered a pizza from the local Papa Johns. When he called the pizza place, he specifically asked for a certain delivery driver by name.

That driver just happened to be an 18-year-old woman.

Gee. Can you guess what’s going to happen next?

This is 31-year-old William Rettew.

William Rettew here is wearing the inmate clothing that he just might be wearing for the rest of his life.

William Rettew was, most recently, a receptionist at Joy Junction, which bills itself as both “the largest emergency homeless shelter in New Mexico” and “the intersection of despair and hope.”

As someone who knew how to say the right things and someone whose family was one step ahead of homelessness on a regular basis, William Rettew regularly sought employment or some other kind of connection with homeless shelters whenever he moved to a new area.

And William Rettew moved his family a great deal, living in about 14 states since 2002. While this might seem excessive to the average family, that just goes to show you how little we’ve been exposed to different cultures and ideas. After all, according to wikipedia, there are somewhere between 30 and 40 million nomads in the world, and what’s 6 more, really?

Well, hello there Sheriff Michael Burgess!

Sheriff Burgess, you’re probably going to need this. It’s a guide to surviving your stay in jail and prison.

Now, why would a fine sheriff like Sheriff Michael Burgess need a guide to surviving a stay in jail? After all, Sheriff Burgess is an upstanding guy. The Oklahoman is a former police officer and state government investigator. He was appointed sheriff after his predecessor died, and was popular enough to get elected and re-elected in 1996, 2000 and 2004.

Prison? Michael Burgess is a family man! He’s married, and is a grandfather to eight kids! And like so many other Oklahomans, Michael Burgess likes to get out and hunt and play some golf.

Not a chance would this guy ever do something that dishonors law enforcement.

Yeah. Not a chance.

It would normally seem like a really romantic kind of thing, the love between 61-year-old John Deaves and 39-year-old Jenny Deaves, who are pictured here off to the left.

The happy couple’s story is that, after being separated for 30 years, they finally met and fell into love almost instantly.

According to Jenny Deaves, whose standards for mating are clearly among the highest on the planet:

I was looking at him, sort of going, ‘Oh, he’s not too bad.’

Let the lovefest begin!

Two weeks after meeting, John and Jenny Deaves were having sex. While their timetable wasn’t unusual, their prior relationship was.