Nicholas Garcia


Not everyone who is featured on People You’ll See In Hell is here for killing someone, or molesting someone, or leaving a small handicapped child in the hot sun to die.

Minor bad things happen all the time.

Still. Sometimes, you just have to look at someone who did something relatively minor and say, “Dude, you’re going to Hell.”

Take 30-year-old Nicholas Garcia for example.

Nicholas Garcia, a professional loafer, walked into the Chevron gas station in El Jobean, Florida on the 4th of October, 2007.

On the counter of the gas station was a large two-quart jar that was set up by the store owner to collect donations for 15-year-old brain cancer patient, Tommy Widenhofer. The jar was holding two hundred dollars worth of donations for the boy, whose parents desperately need the money so they can afford to get Tommy Widenhofer the treatment that he needs.

Nicholas Garcia, being the fine upstanding citizen that he is, took one look at the jar filled with the hopes and dreams of a young boy and thought to himself, “That’d buy me a lot of crack.”

Not caring whose money it was or what it would be used for, Nicholas Garcia grabbed the jar and ran off.

Fortunately for my overdeveloped sense of justice, Mr. Garcia was apparently unaware that he was being videotaped while he took the donation jar.

Because the news media loves stories like this, Nicholas Garcia’s picture, taken from the videotape, was plastered all over the news.

Professional do-nothings like to watch the news while they’re eating their free meals. It keeps them “in the know.”

So when Nicholas Garcia was sitting in the Bread of Life mission, eating lunch with a roomful of other homeless guys, and his picture came up on the evening news, one of the homeless guys let Joseph Byron, the homeless shelter manager, know about it.

At first Joseph Byron didn’t believe it, but once he saw the news story for himself he called the police.

Nicholas Garcia confessed his theft to the news media, insisting on camera that he took the money to support his drug addiction.

First of all, I didn’t know who it was for. I saw it, I took if fast because I was dope sick. Now nobody is going to be hard-felt against me because I am just a junkie addict. I had a really bad habit, man. I was shooting 6 bags of heroin a day and I was doing cocaine, too. I thought I could come to Florida and dry out and it didn’t happen. There’s just as many drugs down here.

Gee. Drugs in Florida? No way! Next thing you’ll tell me is that there are Cubans there.

Nicholas Garcia admitted that what he did was wrong, promised to pay the money back as soon as he could, and, in the best Cops tradition, submitted to the authority of the state.

I didn’t try to run, it makes no sense. What am I going to do, start running around here, being wanted? I made a mistake, I might as well end it now, you know. It was a mistake.

As he was saying that, police were walking him to a squad car in handcuffs. They drove him to a local hospital for treatment before he would be taken to jail.

Four hours later, Nicholas Garcia escaped from the hospital.

It’s ok though. He’s probably just out looking for a job to pay back the money he took, right?

There won’t be a big manhunt for Mr. Garcia. He’s not on the FBI’s most wanted list. He’s only wanted for misdemeanor theft, after all.

The next time you see Nicholas Garcia, though, let him know how you feel. After you call the cops.


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