PYSIH is committed to ensuring that your privacy is protected. This means we’ll try real hard not to let anyone get any information that you give us. We’d prefer you don’t give us any information in the first place, though. And if you give us information, we may forget completely where we put it. Someone may wander by and take it, possibly sell it. We don’t know.
PYSIH may change this policy from time to time by updating this page. You should check this page from time to time to ensure that you are happy with any changes. Also because it can be funny. Not funny as in “Hey how is the Director trusted in leadership positions when he’s been accused of sleeping with informants in both the FBI and OPD, is rumored to regularly view porn on his office computers, has interns write PHD dissertations and has ridiculously small hands?” – more like “Ha! That’s funny!” funny.
This policy is effective from now. Unless you read it yesterday, in which case it is effective a day from the day before yesterday.
What we collect
We may collect the following information, or not:
contact information including your email address
demographic information such as postcode, preferences and interests
other information relevant to customer surveys and/or offers
your sexual perversions
What we do with the information we gather
We require this information to understand your needs and provide you with a better service.
HAHAHAH, just kidding. We’re voyeurs and like data. We don’t know what to do with it other than look at it, but it sure is fun to have.
Anyway, here are a few things we might do with your information if we get the time:
- Internal record keeping.
- We may use the information to improve our products and services. Or we might use the information to reduce our product and service quality. That’s much more likely, actually.
- We may periodically send promotional email about new products, special offers or other information which we think you may find interesting using the email address which you have provided. Also, pictures of cats. We may randomly send you spare genitalia, neatly wrapped in aluminum foil.
- From time to time, we may also use your information to contact you for market research purposes. We may contact you by email, phone, fax or mail. Hell, we might show up on your doorstep with big grins and open arms.
- We may use the information to customize the website according to your interests, or to make fun of you.
- We may provide your information to our third party partners for marketing or promotional purposes.
We will never sell your information unless we’re offered lunch or the equivalent in US currency. Or if someone asks us while giving a back rub. Or if someone is being vaguely threatening. But we might give them the wrong information anyway, so you probably shouldn’t worry about it.
We are committed to ensuring that your information is secure, unless it’s hard to do. At the point where it becomes hard to do, we’ll quit and do something else. In order to prevent unauthorized access or disclosure we have put in place suitable physical, electronic and managerial procedures to safeguard and secure the information we collect online. We print it off, put it in the box, bury the box in the backyard where it’s guarded by a panther named George.
Cookies are delicious, yet can contribute significantly to weight gain.
You can choose to accept or decline cookies. If you are hungry, it is advised that you accept the cookie. If you are trying to lose weight and watching what you eat, a polite, “No thanks!” will suffice to ward off the cookie pusher at the risk of hurt looks and awkward mutterings.
Most web browsers automatically accept cookies, because they’re electronic and don’t really think too much. But you can usually modify your browser setting to decline cookies if you prefer. This may prevent you from taking full advantage of the website. Or it may prevent the website from taking advantage of you. It’s a contest. A battle. Possibly to the death.
Links to other websites
Our website may contain links to enable you to visit other websites of interest easily, or to fool you. Once you have used these links to leave our site, you should note that we do not have any control over that other website. Other websites cannot be trusted. They are out to do you harm. It’s a violent world out there and we cannot be responsible for the protection and privacy of any information which you provide whilst visiting such sites. You should exercise caution, maintain a state of cat-like readiness while browsing and look at the privacy statement applicable to the website in question.
It’s probably not as good as this one, though.