Unique Kiana Bishop


So one mother said to the doctor, “You know, I want to name my daughter something different, something that stands out, something…I don’t know.”

The doctor interjects, “Unique?”

And the mother nods and says, “Yeah! That’s perfect! I’ll name her unique!”

Here is the MySpace page of Unique Kiana Bishop, which is actually fairly tastefully done, when you compare it to some of the other ones that we’ve seen. She’s as eloquent as Shakespeare when describing the love her boyfriend, “lil 22” expresses towards her.

I FEAR NO BITCH AND CAN GIVE A FUCK ABOUT A NIGGA I JUST TRY TO STAY TO MY SELF AND DO ME BECAUSE AND THE END IM ALL I GOT ANY WAY BITCHES AND NIGGAS I DONT TRUST SO I SMOKE BY MY SELF DRINK BY MY SELF FUCK THESE NIGGAS BY MY GOT DEMMM SELF FOR REAL BUT BE SIDES THE BS I TAKE CARE OF MY 1YEAR OLD SON NAME ANTHONY HE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME HE IS THE ONLY MAN AND MY LIFE BESIDE MY BF LIL 22 THE SEX IS AMAZING AND I LOVE THE WAY HE KISS AND LICK MY FACE WHEN HE SHOW AFECTION I JUST CAN GET HIM OFF MY MIND HIS LOCKED UP AND THEY NOT LETING HIM OUT SO UNTILL HE COME HOME IM GONE HOLD IT DOWN ME MY SELF AND I

Thank god for your insight into inter-sexual relationships, Ms. Bishop. I’ll be sure to lick more face from now on.

21-year-old Unique Kiana Bishop, who undoubtedly was at the top of her class in high school, spent 14 days in jail and was placed on probation by the Norwalk branch of Los Angeles County Superior Court after being convicted for burglary in the summer of 2007.

Now while you may be saying, “14 days in jail for burglary?!” let’s all be realistic and face the fact that we’re dealing with a female offender here. We’re lucky the state didn’t give her a brand new car.

The 26th of July wasn’t the first time Unique Kiana Bishop had been arrested for burglary. In the last two years, if you count the latest charge, she has been convicted twice of burglary and once of petty theft.

So Unique Kiana Bishop is pretty much scum.

And, as scum, she hangs out with other scum.

At about 2:30 in the afternoon of the 5th of November, 2007, Unique Bishop went with some friends to a “meet and greet” at the parking lot of a local discount store – BigLots. One of Unique’s friends had a slight disagreement with another young lady as to who exactly should be a local fine young gentleman’s “baby’s momma,” and they were going to talk about it like sensible young ladies should.

As can be expected, seconds after the two future Nobel Prize winners began to talk, a fight broke out. Friends who came along jumped in, and then their friends jumped in, so there were about 30 women fighting on the streets of Los Angeles.

The fight moved from the parking lot of the BigLots to the street, then across the street into the parking lot of a Union 76 gas station.

That was when Unique Bishop decided to make her own unique (oh, we’re clever aren’t we?) contribution to the conflict. Unique stepped into her red convertible and drove it into some of her opponents, while screaming “I’ll get you.”

Shontae Treniece BlancheOne of those opponents was 22-year-old Shontae Treniece Blanche, who was five months pregnant. Shontae was a Cal-State Northridge student who worked at a local bank and was was 13 classes away from finishing her education and becoming a parole officer. Considering her husband is in prison, she might have had a hard time getting a job in that field, but then again – this is Southern California we’re talking about, and they’ll hire anybody.

Unique Bishop managed to slam into one woman, trap another girl against a parked car and run over Shontae Blanche. The first girl was bruised but unharmed, the second girl almost lost her leg, and Shontae…

Well, Shontae and her baby died as Unique Kiana Bishop’s car drove over Shontae, trapping the pregnant woman under the vehicle. Unique then backed her car up off Shontae’s body, crushing the woman and her baby again before speeding away.

Unique Bishop disappeared, but appeared at a local police station with her mother when she learned that she was wanted. During an interview with police, she claimed that she had hit the other women on accident and was just trying to get away.

That makes sense, because usually when I’m trying to get away from something like a bear or tiger, I can also be heard screaming “I’ll get you.”

Unique Bishop has been slapped with two murder charges that have been filed with “special circumstance allegations.” This means Unique Bishop could possibly be facing the death penalty.

Uh-oh.

It’s really too bad that Unique Bishop couldn’t have been unique in finding, oh, say the cure for cancer, or doing something else equally unique that builds society up instead of tearing it down.

In a heroic attempt at damage control, Noreen McClendon, executive director of Concerned Citizens of South Central Los Angeles, had this to say:

This says nothing about the neighborhood.

Bravo, Ms. Noreen McClendon, bravo!

Update:

Unique Kiana Bishop seems to be doing just fine in prison, calling her mother regularly. Unique has pled “not guilty,” of course, and we’re still waiting for her trial.


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